Fate, ye tempting mountebank,
Whether spurious or not,
Can prove to be, to our free will,
A specious asymptote.
Atropos, supercilious,
Cuts our time; We must defer.
My mom paid me a dollar
To write this poem, so blame her.
Tag Archives: Short
Never Discuss A Desire To Expand One’s Vocabulary With A Maternal Figure When Poor…
Filed under Poems
Yes, The Rhyme Is Valid… No, 9:00 and 9 Aren’t The Same
Today I slept in until 9:00
And felt amazingly fine.
Tomorrow, alas,
All good things must pass
For I must wake at 8:59
Filed under Poems
Trials of an Amateur Magician
Massachusetts, 1692:
They say a woman joked
Telling her husband, “I got your nose!”
Within an hour the fire was stoked…
Filed under Poems
Fairy Yales
Once upon a time
There was a tiny little rock
Who was the world’s preeminent scholar
On the early works of Bach.
The little rock was erudite
Yet its career went South
On account of probably white people
And, also, its lack of mouth.
——————————————————–
Once upon a time
A woman majored in STEM
And made millions teaching women
The ways that men were bad to them.
She could have been an engineer
And done science and stuff
But instead she told the patriarchs
She wasn’t paid enough.
Filed under Poems
Dictionaries: For The Days Your Mind Doesn’t
This evening I’m in a way
Where I feel I must say
That I feel my condition
Is quite laodicean
And thus I call it a day.
Filed under Poems
Klingon Humor
“chay’ leghlaHbe’wI’ chaDo’maq SoH?”
tlhob HoD picard.
wo’rIv, jatlh “ghoS nude bIQ’a’ HeH’e’
“‘ej ‘e’ ‘oH let DaqaSmoHbej.”
——————————————————–
“How do you spot a blind man?”
Asked Captain Picard.
Worf said, “Go to a nude beach
“And you’ll see that it’s not hard.”
Filed under Poems
Plot Twist: They’re Canadian
My ducks were quacking noisily,
Apparently upset.
That’s as close to “In a row”
As my ducks ever get.
Filed under Poems
Millennial Regrets
I used a plastic straw
At one point in my life
Which means I’ll never have a job,
A home, a car, a wife.
I’ll die reviled and alone
And someone will steal my kidney.
I only hope enough turtles live
To guide Marlin to Nemo in Sydney.
Filed under Poems
Mother’s Always Right
My mother told me
“You know you’ve hit rock bottom
“When you spank statues.”
Filed under Poems
Italy Is Weird
Most people think that XXX
Means that a movie’s dirty,
But there’s a Roman guy somewhere
Who thinks the movie’s 30.
Filed under Poems
