Tag Archives: Silly

Morbid Subtext in Children’s Music

All is well while you’re singing

Until your realize

Mary will eventually have a big sheep

Unless one of them dies…

And yet we have been singing this

Since time itself was made.

Do the Mary’s keep swapping

Or was a sweater made?

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How to Choose a Fitness Club

If they’re doing yoga,

Zumba, jazzercise or such

You’re likely in the Estrogym

And have a woman’s touch.

If they’re watching football games

And opening a beer

You’re gym is the Testosterzone,

The palace of good cheer.

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Compromises

Some say my standards are too low,

I’m selling myself short,

And that the only girls I like

Are the substandard sort.

At first I disagreed with them,

But soon I started to wonder…

No news yet, but I’ve got a date

With my neighbor’s pet snake, Thunder.

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Prelude to Sporking, If Ya Know What I Mean…

I’m not the kind to boast too much

But I attract those of feminine form.

I now propose a toast to such

In the hope such becomes the new norm.

There’ve been times in my past when companions are sparse,

Even times when there haven’t been any

But if one commits some subtle financial farce

A billfold makes none into many.

Never before have I seen such excitement

Or felt less akin to a dunce

When they paid for my patented eating utensil

Which is fork and spoon both, but at once!

Thus is my secret to wooing the broads.

Whoever would even have thought

That inventing the spork would improve my odds

Of females considering me hot?

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Short Story Long…

Yesterday, I swore

To put in the work,

In no effort fail

And in no duty shirk,

With hopes that what came

Would be “awesome and clever.”

I fulfill that promise

This evening. However…

I spent the afternoon

Teaching and gaming

Then followed that up

With some Pokemon taming.

Now with just 32

Minutes to go

‘Til what is today

Becomes what’s tomorrow

I write out this poem

With many a rhyme

So that reading it all

Will take you a long time,

The idea being

If you must work hard

You’ll think me more effortful

And, thus, a good bard.

And if you stopped reading

Before that confession,

Having been turned off

By your own first impression

Or else by the length

Of the stuff with no point

Then you, with the title

Of “dude,” I anoint.

Alas, as I wrap up

These meaningless stanzas,

The latest of many

Poem-stravaganzas

I shed but one tear

For the non-finishers who’d

Feel so happy knowing

I’d anointed them “dude.”

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This Poem Rhymes If Your Accent Is Creative Enough

There once was an American skier

Who fell off a Canadian pier.

He yelled, “I broke my foot!”

Some bystanders asked, “What?”

Then one said, “Oh! His one-third of a meter!”

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Origin Story

Once upon a space and time

A man who was not paid to rhyme

Devoted much attention to

Forcing his “humor” on you.

He spent a day amidst his folks

Without thinking of rhyming jokes.

The last two days he’d been lazy

So to slack off now would make him crazy.

Thus he started writing, it’s said

When a title popped into his head.

What he’d written did not fit

But he did not not give a… spit.

Anyway, I’m writing still

Although perhaps I battle uphill.

Yes, the tense is present now

And I wipe sweat from my brow.

(Even though my brow is sweatless

I actually wiped it. That’s how much I get this).

If you’ve seen this, you have read it.

This is why most poets edit.

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Typical Bird Answer…

A young male eagle was hunting

And swooped down on a dove.

He asked his girl, “What now?”

And his girl squawked, “Eat prey, love.”

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Greetings! Just Kidding… Spanish Lemon

He came to the comedian’s house

And said, “Gimme water, yo!”

I handed him a glass of hijklmno

Or, as some call it, H2O.

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Bird Flu

I found what I thought was a condor

That was terribly sick with the flu.

But my asian vet said, “That’s ill eagle”

And now I don’t know what to do…

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