When the robots start a war
It won’t be any fun,
But I can safely predict the final score
Will be zero to one.
Tag Archives: Silly
Fir Real
I opened up a shop today
To sell yew trees to all.
I planted the woods last Spring
And I’ll close the shop this fall.
Unfortunately, my business plan
Still has a few crossed wires:
As it turns out, only Yew
Can prevent forest buyers.
Filed under Poems
How To Deal With An Upset Person
Sometimes people are cranky
Even if you give them a blankey.
If they are, just grab it back
And then go get them a snack.
If a snack and a blankey don’t help
Just say noncommittally, “whelp”,
Then sprinkle a pentagram of salt
Because the devil is probably at fault.
Filed under Poems
Untold Abe Lincoln Story
They said “Be the change you want to see”
And I was about to imagine bliss
Then you asked, “Penny for your thoughts”
And whoops! I’m stuck like this!
Filed under Poems
Grandpa’s Advice Column
Every problem in the world
Can be solved with one of these:
WD-40, a well-timed bullet,
Or a bag of frozen peas.
Filed under Poems
What Ever Happened To Manners?
Sometimes I ask myself
“Is talking to myself weird?”
Then some guy next to me says
“Yes”
And my internal monologue and I
Make knowing eye contact
And just walk away from Mr-All-About-Me.
Filed under Poems
The Winds (And Brass) Of Change
The Devil came back from Georgia
Having lost a fiddle battle
And decided to get his fit revenge
By giving humanity the paddle.
Still inspired by his suffering
He made child development writers
Into his own special breed
Of human happiness fighters.
In this case he inspired them
To decree that all children
From two-years-old should learn
To play the violin,
That all of them, talent or not,
Should learn of Mary’s little lamb
And whether or not they played it well
He didn’t give a damn.
And that’s how orchestras were made
Just as the Devil planned.
This story brought to you by a guy
Who plays in a concert band.
Filed under Poems
And Thus, Potholes (They’ll Never See The Punchline Coming)
We have plenty of handicapped parking
And ramps for the wheelchair-bound.
We have moving electronic messages
For people who cannot hear sound
So I think our next great endeavor
To protect our beloved blind folks
Is to cover all sidewalks and roadways
With laugh-out-loud braille jokes.
Filed under Poems
Down With That?
Sexy pillow fights
Probably aren’t as fun to watch
If you are a goose.
Filed under Poems
It Sounds Latin, So That’s A Bonus
If you purchased a domain name
And nobody impeded it
You could sell it for a fortune
To a company who needed it.
Just think of things like X.com
MySpace, Roflol, or MAGA;
If you owned any of those sites
You could earn a big old bagga
Cash. So I propose to you
The greatest oversight
That could make you a millionaire
Potentially overnight:
There is a thriving industry
For the friend of Harry and Tom…
I suggest someone should purchase
DickusEnlargicus.com
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 