Tag Archives: Silly

Mistakes Have Been Made

You say you were gloomy,

For quite a long span

When you were a woman

In need of a man.

You say you were sad,

But that’s nothing but talk.

Think of fish without bicycles

Who instead had to walk!

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When She Doesn’t Approve Of Your Job

Work was hard to come by

So I became an exorcist.

Alas, this happy story

Comes with a bitter twist:

I sent unwanted spirits

From this world and set them free,

But my girl, who died in high school,

Called me rude and ghosted me.

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Yet Another Example Of Racism In The Public Schools

Timmy and Betty drew pictures

And Timmy got an A

But teacher said to Betty

“Your picture’s not ok.”

Both drew their self portraits

But one was not alright;

Timmy used a black marker

But Betty’s pen was white.

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The Sound Of Silence

Imagine for a moment

No one ever spoke again.

You think it would be scary…

Either that or very zen.

The real situation

Is somewhere between the two:

It’s just stomachs imitating

Horny whales saying “Howdy do!”

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Whole Milk

I poured myself a glass of milk,

White as clouds and soft as silk,

Then put powdered milk in the cup

And took a spoon and stirred it up,

Then I poured condensed milk in

And, with the spoon, gave it a spin.

It was at this point, to my dismay,

My buxom girlfriend ran away.

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CNN, 1 AD

Almost two weeks have passed

Since the “King of the Jews”

Awoke from the dead after three days

And made international news.

After promising forgiveness

Of all humans and departing,

Mumblings of discontent

From sinners have been starting.

“I wanted to retire

“Somewhere warm,” one sinner said,

“But now I have to worry

“About grace and s**t instead.”

“I’m pissed about redemption,”

Another man commented.

“What about my right to be

“Eternally tormented?”

In fact it seems that since the day

That Jesus pulled a “Nope”

And ascended into Heaven

To give the humans hope

Everyone’s been angry.

“I’m upset,” one human mused.

Tomorrow: “Why all the good men suck”

Right here on Nightly News.

This post was sponsored in part by Serpent Apple Company. Just one bite can change your life!

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It’s All Short And Bald… And It Has Gills

I’ve decided to stop drinking water.

It’s controversial, of course,

But I made up my mind when I saw what comes

From adding “sea” to a horse.

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When You Really Want To Do An Epic Rhyme But The Setup Is Bananas

There was a grammarian from Crimea

Who had a friend, Timmy Nadia.

Timmy N said “Gimme an

“Crimean simian”

And the grammarian said, “It’s ‘give me a.'”

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I’m Not One Of The Sheep… I’m Just The Pasture

You know those tests they give you

That tell your dream career?

There’s been an innovation

In those tests, or so I hear.

They’ve found 80 percent or more

Of testers’ perfect jobs

Are members of unthinking

And mostly peaceful violent mobs.

I didn’t think about it much

When first I heard the news,

But when I took the test myself

I had to change my views.

I scored, not as a rioter,

But a guy who owns a store

That sells lightweight TVs and food

In downtown Baltimore.

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Please Examine This Excel Graph And Identify The Precise Moment I Did Not Get Laid

I met a beauty in the lab

And we talked of time and space

And before the time had finished

We were walking to my place.

Things were getting steamy

And as she turned off the light

I said “This is like water

“Exceeding 212 degrees Fahrenheit!”

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