Tag Archives: Silly

Weather Or Not

There once was a guy from Poempeii

Who awoke on a cold, rainy day.

He said “Gods, I hate rain!

“Could you please stop this pain?”

How the Gods answered blew him away.

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Multipurpose Tool

A shiny new piano

Is a beauty to behold,

And music can bring life and warmth

Despite the rain and cold.

Every key and inch of wood

Brings harmony, dear reader…

Especially when dropped from the 60th floor

Onto the appropriate world leader.

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One Joke Too Far

I walked up to my teacher

When I was eight years old

And smiled widely and said this,

Or so I have been told:

“Why’d the agoraphobic sled dog

“Not eat the deluxe pizza on the floor?

“He was afraid of too much mush room.”

That’s why I don’t go to school anymore.

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The Weaker Poetry Bloggers, One Year Into The Apocalypse… #Weak

‘Twas on a night near end of Spring

When I was asked to write a thing

Describing how the flowers bloomed

Even though humanity’s doomed.

“Roses are red“, so started my verse

“And violets are blue, unlike that hearse.”

And then I decided since I’d end up dead

To quit writing poems and play golf instead.

So wrote a lesser poet just days

Before he was eaten by the undead horde.

When apocalypse comes, I’ll struggle in ways

But never complain that, when writing, I’m bored.

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Research Projects

Forsythia is a flower

Of the family oleaceae.

They’re pretty and they’re yellow

And they make me saeae

“Ooh, look at that forsythia!

“They’re of the order lamiales!”

Then I ask my mother

If she’ll cook me tamales.

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Why Can’t It Actually Suck?

The world is fine, mostly alright,

With occasional bits of blight.

I’m decently fed and slept okay

And nothing much got in my way.

The weather’s cool, the sports are going,

The mountain’s tall, the river’s flowing

And I’m just here like “Okay,

“But can I please sulk anyway?”

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I Did Plans D-ZZ For You… You’re Welcome

Sometimes you make a plan A, B, and C

But the world just is what it chooses to be

And while we can see it as a half-full cup

Sometimes it’s more fun just to mess some stuff up!

On somewhat of a tangent, I’m really keen

On the idea of making a time machine

That does a time loop, Groundhog Day style

And mess some stuff up for an infinite while.

You’re consequence-free for a lifetime or two,

Testing out various versions of you.

Don’t like the result of a particular day?

Just jump off a cliff and try a new way!

And if you are sad knowing this isn’t real,

Believe me, I get it! I know how you feel…

So think of it this way (This gets kinda heady)

You’ve been in and finished a time loop already.

You’ve lived endless lives of the same day again

And you’ve kissed all the ladies and shot all the men

And learned Japanese and solved nuclear fusion

And finally came to a stunning conclusion:

With infinite time, with no way to fail,

With no threat of death, embarrassment, jail

Your life loses meaning if you only win it

So you used your last time loop to think for a minute,

Inventing a button that made time go back

To a day at a time, with a total lack

Of memory concerning your endless days

Of repeating your time in all different ways.

You’ve already learned that making mistakes

Is sometimes exactly what happiness takes,

But if you still need to shoot a TV

To burn some frustration, that’s alright by me!

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Happy Delusions

If I had a pet stegosaurus

I think I would name it Boris

And until someone finked

That he was extinct

My family would really adore us.

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Everything’s Better With Blankets

Everything’s better with blankets!;

That’s an objective fact!

If someone says “No thanks, I’m good”

Something in their brain has cracked.

Everything’s better with blankets

Because they are fuzzy and warm.

You have one when born, as a kid, and so on

Until you move into a dorm.

Whether a fleece or a quilt or a sheet

Or a comforter or a duvet

A blanket inspired the doer of everything

To say an emphatic “Yay!”

Everything’s better with blankets

And that’s the precise reason why

You should never ask me what is

The secret ingredient in my pie.

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See Also: Guillotine, Quinoa, Otorhinolaryngologist

Worcestershire and Draught

Were about to get married,

In love for the rest of their life

But the priest looked upset,

And said “I am sorry

“But I can’t pronounce you, husband and wife.”

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