Tag Archives: Silly

Another Cow Poem

Jared was still very small

When he saw cattle fall

Into a slumber, fast and deep.

With no reason or rhyme

Someone said “It’s pasture bedtime”

And so Jared went home and fell asleep.

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Why Some Plants Go Extinct

“Anybody want some peas?”

Everyone said yes.

“Anyone want pewps?”

Perhaps next year, I guess…

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And Potlucks Were Never The Same Again

Once upon a time

In a land of myth and ballad

Someone mixed a lot of plants

And called the result a salad.

Later, in Minnesota

Someone mixed mayonnaise

With literally anything at all

And said “Salad happens in many ways.”

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What People Who Don’t Play D&D Think It Is

“If I had a mugwump

For every warlock I

Smote fiercely with a fireball

I’d have six succubi!”

Thus spake the rogue of Harkenfell

Who wields a lengthy blade;

Many orcs by it were slewn

And many damsels laid.

The cleric sighed disdainfully,

The fighter’s belly shook,

The paladin had left the inn,

The wizard read a book,

And I the bard wrote verse on this,

The wandering hero’s life

For I am a virginal roleplayer

With a very un-roguish knife.

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Win-Win

If I could pick an animal

To switch bodies for a day

I think I’d pick a rattlesnake

Because I’d like to say

I gave the snake a chance to feel

What having limbs is like,

And as a bonus shake my ass

Before I rear and strike!

I’d like to be a rattlesnake

But more importantly

When I get my body back

People’d no longer mess with me.

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Philosophy 101

Whatever you’ve heard, forget it!

Whatever you know, you don’t.

Everyone thinks they are brainy

But most of their brains grown’t.

Ignorance is epidemic.

No knowledge or sense can be common.

Now pay your tuition and fill out this form

And go back to your dorm and eat ramen.

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Five Most Powerful Natural Disasters (Number Two Will Shock You)

He had wavy golden locks

That fell upon her shoulders

As he held her close with one arm

While the other parried boulders.

Behind them, a volcano

Spat hellfire in the air

But the hottest thing nearby was still

His chest, sweaty and bare.

An earthquake shook the lovers.

A tsunami got them wet,

But nature had no fury

To match their passion yet.

Then a tiny spider crawled

Across her silky bosom

Which quickly quelled the ardor

Of the trashy novel twosome.

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And The Items On The Shelves Sighed With Relief

There once was an Isle of Cat

Where the felines were wild and fat.

They all got along great,

Which is something cats hate,

So they ran away, and that was that.

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She’s Still My Muse, But…

I wanted inspiration

So I asked my girlfriend to tell

Me anything that starts with a”A”.

It didn’t go so well…

“Um… um…” my girlfriend mumbled

As I asked again, “What starts with A?”

Finally she said, slightly annoyed

“Anchovie.” Then she said “Okay.”

I asked her to say literally anything

And she replied again “Hm.”

Then she pretended she didn’t hear the question

And said “David! David! Bum.”

It didn’t make for a masterpiece

But she inspired this poem you’re reading.

Now I’ll let you get back to your life

And let mom get back to her beading.

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Because She Took All The Liar’s Money? Or Is He Ridiculously Honest? Either Way, He And His Brother Are Standing By A Fork In The Road And You Probably Have To Ask Them Where Their Town Is Or Something

If I had a nickel

For every time I lied

I would have zero cents

And a supermodel by my side.

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