Tag Archives: Silly

Private Thoughts

If I were in the army

Instead of throwing grenades

I’d throw bottled beverages

Like juice and lemonades

And while our foes are hydrating

And their smiles reach their eyes

That’s when I’d throw my grenade.

#ElementOfSurprise

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That’s Why My Nickname Is “Fish Lips”

My dad has the heart of a lion.

My mom has the heart of a gnu.

Sure, my dad has better taste

But they’re both banned for life from the zoo.

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Somewhere, 1.923% Of My Readers Just Pooped Themselves (The Other 98.077 Need To Reevaluate Their Fetishes)

Find a deck of shuffled playing cards.

Pick a random card and write it down.

Then think of the number of letters

In the name of your favorite town…

If you subtract the number you thought of

From how often you think of French maids

You’ll find that the card you have written

Is in fact the seven of spades.

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When You’re Not Picky About Who You Befriend

My friend has 70 statues of legs.

I don’t know how he got ’em,

But I know if he ever spanks a statue

He’ll likely hit rock bottom.

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She’s Also My Muse (And The Reason This Blog Exists)

My Mom’s the bomb!

Her name’s not Tom.

She deserves much great aplomb.

She’s older than a CD-Rom.

This poem’s bad, unlike my Mom.

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Let Life End As It Began

I want to die of an orgasm.

It’s a death that would leave me content

And the folks at my wake

Would say “for goodness’ sake

“That poet, he came and he went.”

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58008 is the new 90210

More men than women study math,

Professionally at least.

This is true from North to South

And also West to East.

It’s not because women are dumb

Or men like math by fate…

It’s that all boys love what happens

When you invert 7,251×8.

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