My town was in the news today
For a reason that isn’t nice.
A man was hired to kill another
Amidst a field of rice.
The way he committed the murder
Showed his creativity had no lack.
His weapon was a ceramic statue.
‘Twas a knick-knack paddy whack.
Tag Archives: Silly
Robots of the Night
We’ve got robots to drive us,
To serve us, to vacuum,
To search the web, to save us
From our eventual fiery doom.
One robot no one’s thought of
That would really do a lot
Is a robot to replace the toilet paper roll.
Until then to the cupboard we’ll walk/squat.
Filed under Poems
Wanna Play?
I’ve invented a new sport.
Its much like soccer
Except instead of a ball
You carry around
A rich guy on a couch
Who just lies back to enjoy it all.
The couch player
Is very important
Because they direct their team.
I think I’ll name it
Monarchy Ball.
It’s more loved than it would logically seem.
Filed under Poems
Get Lost
Verdant green forest around me.
Mountains and rivers as well.
I am in nature to find myself,
So at least step one went well.
Filed under Poems
Life Is Better As An Illiterate Monstrous Subrace Online
I was born into a social contract.
I didn’t choose it for myself.
It says that I must obey laws
And I can never be an elf.
It includes some pretty lousy clauses
Like “you cannot gramatically refer to yourself in the first person as ‘me'”
And “poems should have meter.”
That’s why I quit to play an RPG.
Filed under Poems
No Circum Love?
Judging by response
Of yesterdays rhyming junk
You folks not fans of grammar.
This poem be good then, so me did thunk.
Us will judge by them responses
Whether stuff like this be fine.
And if you dont not dislike it
Please feel free to whine.
Filed under Poems
Don’t Circum To Temptation
Circum is a prefix
Whose presence does effect
In many ways its second part,
For instance: Circumspect.
If Circum is added to
A position in a dance
You will find that you have made
A unique circumstance.
If instead you circum
A trip to another state
You might be delighted
That you can circumnavigate.
There are circum words
That most people can’t define
Like circumference and circumscribe
And circumquasiredefine.
But there’s a word that to circum
Would not be very wise.
You may have guessed by now
That that word, of course, is “size.”
Filed under Poems
Then After a Twist Of Fate No One Could See Coming…
If your story’s just beginning
But your ideas have run out
There’s no need for disappointment
So you can quit your silly pout.
All the greatest stories
Lose their steam before the end
And that’s why we continue
The “something lucky happened” trend.
It’s why stormtroopers can’t hit a barn
And main characters don’t get shivved.
Executions are delayed for a monologue
And Harry’s the boy who lived.
It’s why Ringwraith’s can sense the ring
From half a world away
But not when hobbits hold it
With a tree stump in the way.
Heroes outrun explosions
While the villain merely dies.
The white hats still draw faster
Despite the sunlight in their eyes.
So if you want a writing tip
I’ll give you one to keep:
As long as sh*t works out in the end
The fans will lose no sleep.
Filed under Poems
Horse Shoes
Clip-clop, clip-clop.
The horse passes by.
Clip-clop, clip-clop.
It has no shoes, but why?
Flip-flop, flip-flop.
Problem solved.
Filed under Poems
Regarding The Going-On of Hearts (Near, Far, Wherever…)
As icy water wraps me
Like Satan’s comfort blanket
The naked truth hits me
Like one of my French girls.
I realize that I will die
And almost certainly not win an Oscar.
I look out on the ocean,
Green waves far away massage
Where the shore’s shoulders would be
If the shore had shoulders.
A cold wind turns the surface
Into a speckled visage,
The watery face of a teenage boy
If that’s what the ocean were.
Leagues below, seaweed dances
As a beloved mermaid sings
About how unsatisfied she is
With royalty and wealth.
All I hear is screaming,
The sound of burning wreckage
Sinking below the surface,
And Celine Dion warming up offstage.
As I gaze into the eyes of my love
Whom I met a few hours ago
My suffering diminishes
For I do not suffer alone.
A thousand boyfriends will share
This 214-minute suffering
For so long as home videos exist.
I was her shoulder to cry on,
Something the shoulderless shore
Will never be.
Okay, I’m cold now.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 