Roses are red.
Vegans are pale.
When they read my blog in 10 years
They’ll probably put me in jail.
Tag Archives: Silly
Shower Thoughts
What if we’re all identical twins
But, when we’re born, the nurse
Gets out an ultra-mega laser
And sets it to “reverse”
And our baby brain goes back in time
To when everyone was biologically unique
And we grow up thinking we’re special
Until the Invisible Ones start to speak?
Filed under Poems
*Depends* On Your Perspective
In kindergarten, there was a boy
Who said “You’re dumb and old
“And you’re bald and gross and poopy
“And you do whatever you’re told.”
I turned to face the parents
Whose expressions were most hesitant
And I proudly said, “We’re learning
“About how to describe the president!”
Filed under Poems
The Feminine Paradox
She said “I love ventriloquists.”
Her vagina said “That’s right!”
In my defense, she laughed at that
But I’m still on the couch tonight.
Filed under Poems
Soulmates
My wife is on the sofa
Running through the golden grass
Trying to catch an Eevee
Which is a real pain in the ass.
She’s been doing this for hours,
A frustrating type of zen
And I feel like she’s living out
My childhood again.
Filed under Poems
Two Types Of Heaven
I believe in a world without sin,
Where nobody’s mean and we all fit in,
A world without sorrow or famine or fear
But it doesn’t have cake, so I’m fine staying here.
Filed under Poems
Better Safe Than Sorry
I’m living life in such a way
That if anybody would
Try to steal my brain for science
Science would say, “No thanks, I’m good.”
Filed under Poems
In This Game The Unicorn Gives Her Money To Go To The Dream World…
There once was a woman (my wife)
Who experienced female strife.
I bought her “Unicorn Princess” for the switch
And now she’s not so much of a… stressed person
And what is going on with my life?
Filed under Poems
As Promised : )
My Mom made me many meals
When I was but a qsuirt.
She proofreads my poetry
And ironed me a hsirt.
Without her I’d have rwinkly clothes
(And I’d be nonexistent).
Thank you, Mom, for all you’re love
And keeping me consistent!
Filed under Poems
What Was His Angle?
There once was a man born in Samos
Whose math teacher told him to vamoose.
He said “Bitch, I’m Pythagoras!”
Then proceeded to stagger us
With the theorem to measure a hypotenuse.
Filed under Poems
