This year for halloween
I want to be a political elite
By staying out of the public eye
And putting a roundabout on your street.
Tag Archives: Silly
Oktoberfest
We’ve entered the month
Where people dress up
And act like they’re German
And fill a big cup
With beer, eat a pretzel,
And fry up a brat.
Tonight you like polka:
Tomorrow, you’ll not.
Filed under Poems
You’ve Got Fail
Microsoft had a Magic 8-Ball
And shook it every day
To get ideas for products
Based on what it had to say.
For Word, the ball said “Signs point to yes.”
For Powerpoint, it said “You should.”
But the message they most took to heart
Was “Outlook not so good.”
Filed under Poems
We Could Have Had Super Soldiers By Now, And Yet…
Still no one has tried
Giving coffee to the sloths.
Science, what the #%**?
Filed under Poems
I’d Go Myself, But I Have Pilates At 10:30
Ride on! Ride on brave warriors!
To doom and glory ye harken.
Your hope burns bright though every night
And day the skies doth darken.
Ride on! Ride on our guardians
To wherever you might go
For someone hath misused my pronouns
And their error to them you must show.
Filed under Poems
World Design 101
You ask me if there is a god
And I say that I hope not
For I have traveled o’er the world
And many treasures sought
Yet behind every waterfall
I found just rocky flat.
Who would wish a god exists
Who makes a world like that?
Filed under Poems
Secretary Of War
At the Battle of Thermopylae
480 BC
299 Spartans
Marched to meet Xerxes.
Meanwhile, Jeffichus the imprecise
Was tasked with taking the minutes
Instead of marching into war
‘Cause it’s close enough to 300, innit?
Filed under Poems
Line. Breaks. Matter.
As I drive down the highway
I see dozens of signs:
Slower
Traffic
Keep
Right
Right
Lane
Ends
Adopt a
Highway
Litter
Control
And I think to myself
“These sign writers are overdoing the enjambment.”
Filed under Poems
The Slow Learner
School is super awesome
‘Cause you get to go to class
And get yelled at by the teacher
‘Cause you’re super full of sass
And you get to ride a yellow bus
And eat mystery meat
In a gym full of 400 kids
And 800 smelly feet.
You get to learn a lot of stuff
Like math and reading books
And people whisper behind your back
And give you funny looks
And they legally can’t kick you out
If you try hard not to pass
And yes, I’m 48-years-old
And never late for class.
Filed under Poems
Listening Is Hard
“What do you want for your birthday?”
So many have asked this of me,
Yet I still have zero doomsday devices
And seventy-two graphic tees…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 