I have zero friends
Because other people suck
And I’m funnier
Tag Archives: Silly
When You Think Of A Tongue Twister, But Have To Justify It With Some Kind Of Narrative ‘Cause You Write A Poetry Blog, Not A Tongue-Twister Channel
I remember being baffled
When I was a little tyke
Because the little axolotls
Looked an awful lot alike
And the axolotl likeness
Made me trip over my tongue;
“A lot of little axolotls look a lot alike”
Is hard to say when you are young.
Filed under Poems
Jazz
I’ve got a great idea
For a really catchy song.
We’ll play the tune for the first minute
But it’s eleven minutes long
So the rest of it will be me
Playing a random sexy lick
Until you forget that you were listening…
Yeah, that’ll do the trick!
Filed under Poems
Frodo’s Notes In The Margin
“Bring the ring to Mordor, kid”
Gandalf told me and so I did.
It caused me scars that forever linger,
Mostly that I can’t give Gandalf the finger.
Filed under Poems
How Little Things Change
In the days when Jesus walked the Earth
Many people had names
More akin to Shaniqua and Carston
Than Luke, Mary, Joseph, or James.
Those people lived lives that were normal and happy
But long since forgotten to time;
No one wrote a hymn for Shaniqua
Because it was too hard to rhyme.
Filed under Poems
Or Did The Fact They Never Heated Up Mean The Prophecy Came True After All?
Somebody said to the NFL
“You gotta cool your jets”.
Alas, the Jets were never cool
Not unlike marionettes.
Filed under Poems
Harry Potter And The One Minute Of Missing Footage
Christmas at Hogwarts, 1997:
Harry Potter is in heaven
Opening gifts from his first ever friends
And hoping this day never ends
When off to the side he notices one
Nondescript little package and opens it. Fun!
Inside is a cloak made of magical paper
For invisible movement during a caper.
“How does it work?” Harry asked. Ron, compliant,
Said, “It’s made from the list of all Epstein’s clients.”
Then Harry nodded, his heart feeling zen,
And Professor Quirrel was never seen again.
Filed under Poems
Who Needs AI When You Have A Wife?
No AC?
Just live under a tree.
It’s cool as can be.
Just wait and see!
Filed under Poems
My Little Fountain
I have a fountain in my yard.
It doesn’t fountain very hard,
Just drips and drips onto a spot
And fills my hose when the weather’s hot.
Some may say that it’s a tap
But I think that’s a load of crap.
If soda and drinking fountains count
Then mine’s a fountain too by my account.
I’m proud of my little drippy fountain.
For it I’d move many a mountain
For when I’m a sweaty yard-working man
I drink from it just ‘cause I can.
Filed under Poems
Origins of Childhood Trauma
Super secret base.
Red alert! It’s Mom and Dad
Taking pillows back…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 