All is well while you’re singing
Until your realize
Mary will eventually have a big sheep
Unless one of them dies…
And yet we have been singing this
Since time itself was made.
Do the Mary’s keep swapping
Or was a sweater made?
Tag Archives: Silly
How to Choose a Fitness Club
If they’re doing yoga,
Zumba, jazzercise or such
You’re likely in the Estrogym
And have a woman’s touch.
If they’re watching football games
And opening a beer
You’re gym is the Testosterzone,
The palace of good cheer.
Filed under Poems
Compromises
Some say my standards are too low,
I’m selling myself short,
And that the only girls I like
Are the substandard sort.
At first I disagreed with them,
But soon I started to wonder…
No news yet, but I’ve got a date
With my neighbor’s pet snake, Thunder.
Filed under Poems
Prelude to Sporking, If Ya Know What I Mean…
I’m not the kind to boast too much
But I attract those of feminine form.
I now propose a toast to such
In the hope such becomes the new norm.
There’ve been times in my past when companions are sparse,
Even times when there haven’t been any
But if one commits some subtle financial farce
A billfold makes none into many.
Never before have I seen such excitement
Or felt less akin to a dunce
When they paid for my patented eating utensil
Which is fork and spoon both, but at once!
Thus is my secret to wooing the broads.
Whoever would even have thought
That inventing the spork would improve my odds
Of females considering me hot?
Filed under Poems
Short Story Long…
Yesterday, I swore
To put in the work,
In no effort fail
And in no duty shirk,
With hopes that what came
Would be “awesome and clever.”
I fulfill that promise
This evening. However…
I spent the afternoon
Teaching and gaming
Then followed that up
With some Pokemon taming.
Now with just 32
Minutes to go
‘Til what is today
Becomes what’s tomorrow
I write out this poem
With many a rhyme
So that reading it all
Will take you a long time,
The idea being
If you must work hard
You’ll think me more effortful
And, thus, a good bard.
And if you stopped reading
Before that confession,
Having been turned off
By your own first impression
Or else by the length
Of the stuff with no point
Then you, with the title
Of “dude,” I anoint.
Alas, as I wrap up
These meaningless stanzas,
The latest of many
Poem-stravaganzas
I shed but one tear
For the non-finishers who’d
Feel so happy knowing
I’d anointed them “dude.”
Filed under Poems
This Poem Rhymes If Your Accent Is Creative Enough
There once was an American skier
Who fell off a Canadian pier.
He yelled, “I broke my foot!”
Some bystanders asked, “What?”
Then one said, “Oh! His one-third of a meter!”
Filed under Poems
Origin Story
Once upon a space and time
A man who was not paid to rhyme
Devoted much attention to
Forcing his “humor” on you.
He spent a day amidst his folks
Without thinking of rhyming jokes.
The last two days he’d been lazy
So to slack off now would make him crazy.
Thus he started writing, it’s said
When a title popped into his head.
What he’d written did not fit
But he did not not give a… spit.
Anyway, I’m writing still
Although perhaps I battle uphill.
Yes, the tense is present now
And I wipe sweat from my brow.
(Even though my brow is sweatless
I actually wiped it. That’s how much I get this).
If you’ve seen this, you have read it.
This is why most poets edit.
Filed under Poems
Typical Bird Answer…
A young male eagle was hunting
And swooped down on a dove.
He asked his girl, “What now?”
And his girl squawked, “Eat prey, love.”
Filed under Poems
Greetings! Just Kidding… Spanish Lemon
He came to the comedian’s house
And said, “Gimme water, yo!”
I handed him a glass of hijklmno
Or, as some call it, H2O.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 