Once upon a time
A guy tried something new
For no reason besides
To see what stuff would do.
Afterwards he used
What he found as an appliance
And thus was born the toaster
And, with it, modern science.
Once upon a time
A guy tried something new
For no reason besides
To see what stuff would do.
Afterwards he used
What he found as an appliance
And thus was born the toaster
And, with it, modern science.
Sam was 28 years old,
Had never seen the sun,
Had never eaten chocolate,
Never had any fun,
Had never hugged a puppy
And got stung by a bee
And he’s telling the cashier about it
Right in front of me…
Filed under Poems
This is the point in history
Where things aren’t going well,
But you aren’t very worried yet
Because you know a spell
That opens up a menu
Where you reload your latest save
And go back to start on easy mode
Instead of to your grave.
Filed under Poems
If I had a potato chip
For every theory that made sense
I’d have a much larger stomach
And not a lot of evidence…
Filed under Poems
I have a stomach summit,
An abdominal alley,
A gut gulch, a paunch pouch,
A beneath-the-vest valley,
A digester dugout,
A taut torso trench,
But she said “Belly-Button”
So I dumped the wench.
Filed under Poems
They should clone Queen Elizabeth
14 billion times
So we can all have immortal bodyguards…
It’s true and it rhymes!
Filed under Poems
Some people are happy to be born in July
But I say those people are wrong;
Objectively, a January birthday is the best
‘Cause then you don’t have to wait as long.
Some people just are lucky
By their nature it would seem,
Like take my Muslim buddy
Who I fondly call Kareem…
He fought against America
And lost both legs in the war
And now he wastes no money
Buying ladders anymore!
Or take my buddy La’Kwon
Who is bald and five-foot-three
And every February
His Valentine’s dinner is free!
Some people get to camp for free
300 days a year.
Others have no eyeballs
And they never shed a tear.
Some folks are hard of hearing
And don’t have to wear a mask
And all I can say is “I am fine,
“Whyever do you ask?”
Filed under Poems
I went through a stage when I was an actor.
I think the hole in the floor was a factor.
The said “Break a leg,” so I did obey.
Now I have my own cast I don’t have to pay!
Filed under Poems