So memes are illegal in California
And guns are illegal in cities
And being illegal is totally legal
And we still haven’t freed the titties?
Tag Archives: Stupid
Of All The Laws That Could Backfire Magnificently, THAT’S Where You Draw The Line?
Filed under Poems
Knights May Be Scarce, But Fairies Are Thriving
You know how the female fantasy
Used to be being held in a tower
Until a brave prince came a calling,
Slayed a dragon, and exercised power?
Well, now the female fantasy
Is to be the brave dragon who can
And wondering why the princes won’t die
To save damsels who don’t need a man.
Filed under Poems
Debate Recap 2024
So Tuesday night on ABC
Two candidates arrived
And competed for whose speeches
Sounded the least contrived.
Some faces asked them questions
Which neither deigned to answer.
It assured me of my decision:
That it’s time to vote for cancer.
Filed under Poems
I, For One, Am On Board For Voluntarily Sharing Cake With Responsible People
Government is what happens
When you can’t share a cake
So mom and dad call the neighbor
Who takes the cake from you
And eats 90 percent of it
And gives you all a piece of celery
That doesn’t even have peanut butter
And invades Iran
Because you’re racist.
Filed under Poems
But You Get A Cool T-Shirt! (Or Why I Stopped Worrying And Ran A 5K)
Somehow we went from running
To avoid becoming a meal
To paying $50 to run
To express the way we feel.
Filed under Poems
Seriously, Why Can’t We Just Have Attractive White People Starring In Original Stories With No Agenda?
There once wasn’t a modern crowd
Compelled to cheer out loud
For a diversity quota,
Caring even one iota
That the princess was now unibrowed.
Filed under Poems
Nah Boss, I Just Copied And Pasted The DNA From Some Frogs. What Could Go Wrong?
Dinosaurs are cool but not that useful.
Jobs are necessary but lame.
Thus I conclude that paleontologists
Play a very confusing game.
Filed under Poems
Apple: Because I Chose It When I Was 12 And It’s Too Late Now
For a few months my iPhone
Had eight hours of life between charges,
Then the next model released
And my phone bill suddenly enlarges.
Oh, an update to iOS x+1?
That sounds like an important step.
Did it drop my battery life by 20 percent?
Unsurprisingly, that’s a big “yep”.
“It’s ok”, says my telephone rep.
“You can upgrade today for free.
“You’ll just change your phone number
“And sign here in blood
“And pay for 69 months interest-free!”
And so, in a rage, I go shopping
For whatever Android people buy,
Then I remember how all my app data
Only works if my phone has an “i”
And I slink to my room where my charger
Sits happily waiting to go.
I’ll repeat this emotional process
Every year for a lifetime or so.
Filed under Poems
Or, You Know, A Crippling Depression Once A Century Or So…
I don’t believe in giving the government
Unlimited power to spend
Because what if they give
Drum sets to all who live?
See how badly all this could end?
Filed under Poems
Then Vs. Now
Love is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues.
Love will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal: (“I do”)
A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. (“Honey, why is the cat hairless?”)
Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start.
On your mark, get ready, start.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 