The was a Virginian from Idaho
Who brought from Alaska a pile of snow.
Iowa him a debt
Hawaii’ll pay? Don’t know yet
I’m Missouri-able, and might flee to Mexico.
Tag Archives: Stupid
Woke NASA
“Short people might not play basketball
But that doesn’t mean that they cannot.“
That was the reasoning cited
For making the Kool-Aid man an astronaut.
Filed under Poems
Why Not Let AI Do My Job? (Or Why My Poems Aren’t So Bad After All)
Whose milkshake is that? I think I know.
Its owner is quite happy though.
Full of joy like a vivid rainbow,
I watch her laugh. I cry hello.
She gives her milkshake a shake,
And laughs until her belly aches.
The only other sound’s the break,
Of distant waves and birds awake.
The milkshake is sweet, cold and deep,
But she has promises to keep,
After cake and lots of sleep.
Sweet dreams come to her cheap.
She rises from her gentle bed,
With thoughts of kittens in her head,
She eats her jam with lots of bread.
Ready for the day ahead.
Filed under Poems
And Most Artists Are Good At It…
Part of making art
Is having sincere belief
That your crap is gold.
Filed under Poems
After I Die, This Blog Will Be Considered The Highest Of Art
I watched “Everything Everywhere All At Once”
And all I can think about now
Is that a movie that makes less sense than my poems
Won seven Oscars somehow…
Filed under Poems
If You Have Nothing To Write A Poem About, Write It Anyway Because You Made A Stupid Promise To Post One Every Day And You Ain’t No Quitter
If I could name a river after myself
I think I’d call it “David River”
‘Cause that’s a limitation
Of the whole “name-it-after-yourself” deal.
If I could name a city after myself
I can probably guess your IQ
By what you thought the answer would be.
It would be New David River City
Because duh.
Filed under Poems
I Put The “P” In Poem
Perhaps if people possessing purple percherons
Prepared their persons patiently
Purple percherons put in purses
Would prudently pursue purer pursuits?
Filed under Poems
Son Of God, Father Of Refreshing Beverages?
They say Jesus turned water into wine
But there’s an alternative guess I see:
I think Jesus was the inventor of Kool-Aid
But hadn’t perfected the recipe.
Filed under Poems
Predicting the Future
The year was 2055
And Disney was somehow still alive.
Their greatest writer stood and said
“What if Black Panther was white instead?”
And coast to coast the people caved
As bloggers whined and critics raved
And I, at 60 years, just sat
Rewatching Shrek, and that was that.
Filed under Poems
When The Next Covid Hits
There’s a zombie in the basement
And a dozen in the alley
And the news says they are spreading
Through the mountain and the valley,
Just a moaning and a eating
Brains and animals galore.
From sea to shining sea’s awash
With tears and sweat and gore.
And here I am in slippers
Eating chili and having a snooze
Because I had the foresight
To then off the evening news.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 