I flew on a plane to New Orleans
And by now you know what that means:
I’m probably tired, and pleased to report
That this poem is late and also is short.
Tag Archives: Stupid
Because Sugar Comes In Many Colors
Today I learned something amazing…
The answer to a riddle:
Apparently there’s more than one
Flavor of Skittles!
Filed under Poems
In The Distance, China Just Laughs
There once was an admiral poll
That asked “how to meet our recruiting goal”
Options one was “Raise pay”
Option two was “Be gay”
And the navy said “‘Kay queens, let’s roll”
Filed under Poems
Island’ed On Another Pun
One time I went to Hawaii
And I let out a heavy sighii
‘Cause it’s very hot in paradise
And aloha temperature would be nice.
Filed under Poems
A Blessing In Disguise?
If I had a nickel
For every time I’ve wanted a nickel
I’d have enough to buy
At least one delicious pickle.
If I had a dollar
For every time I’ve wanted a dollar
I’d be so buried in delicious pickles
No one would hear me holler.
Filed under Poems
Leading Tomorrow’s Youth
Instead of “Ladies and Gentlemen”
I said “Hello Heathens Galore”.
Now everybody knows my name
And I don’t get to teach preschool no more.
Filed under Poems
No Butts About It
Imagine a world where nobody
Has a butt of any kind:
Nobody would ever poop again
And nobody’d ask “But why?”
Pants wouldn’t be near as popular
And gym girls would work on their pecs
And some guys would probably fantasize
About lasses with the jiggliest necks.
No one would horde toilet paper
And fart jokes just wouldn’t exist
And I could go on, but I think my point
Has been made just with this little list.
Filed under Poems
On The Almighty’s Priorities
I know that there are anteaters
And I know that there are ants
And I think that this is proof
That life wasn’t made by chance.
The only thing I wish to know
Is why this brilliant creator
Took a look at spiders and said
“I’ll make the thing that eats them later.”
Filed under Poems
24 Hours Of Visibility And The Whole System Collapses…
I think for one day a year
All taxes should be ignored
And you’ll see how gas is a dollar less
And your check is twenty percent more
And as you drive your car on roads
With a single pothole, wonder
Why do we support “our side” so much
When both sides keep sucking us under?
Filed under Poems
Can I Be A Director Of Something Now?
Sometimes I look back and wonder
“Why didn’t I spend more time studying
“How to write mission statements?”
Then I assemble a committee to discuss
Whether retrospection is amenable
To well-ordered, politically-correct society:
Results pending.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 