Microsoft had a Magic 8-Ball
And shook it every day
To get ideas for products
Based on what it had to say.
For Word, the ball said “Signs point to yes.”
For Powerpoint, it said “You should.”
But the message they most took to heart
Was “Outlook not so good.”
Filed under Poems
Still no one has tried
Giving coffee to the sloths.
Science, what the #%**?
Filed under Poems
Ride on! Ride on brave warriors!
To doom and glory ye harken.
Your hope burns bright though every night
And day the skies doth darken.
Ride on! Ride on our guardians
To wherever you might go
For someone hath misused my pronouns
And their error to them you must show.
Filed under Poems
There once was a popular singer
Whose love life was put through the ringer.
Her dreams all came true
Yet she still sings to you
About how life still gives her the finger.
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So paper towels are made from trees
And killing tree will kill the Earth
So to save more trees and thus the planet
We must have a towel dispenser rebirth:
Henceforth no towel dispenser shall
Give more than a three-inch sheet.
Of course you can use it unlimited times.
Isn’t saving the planet neat?
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Work at 5:00 AM.
We played D&D tonight.
Sleep is optional.
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We finally did it!
We shut down the Feds!
We didn’t use violence
And lop off their heads;
We didn’t act cleverly
Nor were we strategic
We just let them keep spending
‘Til the budget went paraplegic.
The government shutdown
Is the start of new ways
If we can just keep it going
More than 35 days.
Filed under Poems
April the 4th, 1902:
His wife said, “We’re leaving in 5.”
Today his wife’s ghost put on her shoes
And asked, “Hey, why aren’t you alive?”
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Only took three years
Of England having a king
To become evil…
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Equal wages or
Pumpkin-spice in everything…
White girls, whatcha got?
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The Daily Travesty 