If I had a yeasty codpiece
That was trolled through mud and sludge
And then ground into a powder
And baked into a toxic fudge
That was fed to pigs with cholera
Who shat it into a vial
I’d rather take a shot of it
Than pay you to e-file.
Tag Archives: Truth
Imagine The Worst Thing In The Universe… Then Make It An LGBTQ Miniseries
Whenever you say “This is the worst”
Just ask yourself questions three:
1. How long will it last?
2. Have I seen worse in the past?
3. Is it going to be bought by Disney?
Filed under Poems
You Didn’t Even Notice The $177,000,000,000 Extra Debt Since The First Verse (And Therein Lies The Problem)
One-hundred trillion one-hundred seventy-seven million seven-hundred fifty-four thousand one-hundred eighty-two dollars we owe!
One-hundred trillion one-hundred seventy-seven million seven-hundred fifty-four thousand one-hundred eighty-two dollars…
Take a vote
For a promissory note
One-hundred trillion one-hundred seventy-seven billion seven-hundred eighty-one million three-hundred twenty-five thousand and change that we owe!
Filed under Poems
Desperate Times Can Rekindle That Spark
There’s a mouse in my house
And he thinks that my wall
Is a lottery ticket.
He’s having a ball
Just scratching and scratching
All morning and night.
Yes honey, this is gasoline.
It’ll all be alright.
Filed under Poems
Other Useful Tests Are “Write a Poem Praising Donald Trump”, “Identify All The Hands With Five Fingers”, and “Create A Picture Of A Lawyer Who Isn’t White”
So let me get this straight…
We’re training computers to write
And recognize everyday images
Like motorcycles or a traffic light
And yet our “are you a robot” test
Is exactly where they’re at their best?
On the other hand, I’m excited
For when the “are you a robot” guy
Says “Write something that’s racist”
And the robots can’t comply
So the hot singles in your area
Will finally stop trying to marry ya.
Filed under Poems
Hands First Or Balls First?
There are two types of bathers
That I have come upon:
The type who take the bar of soap
And rub, rub, rub it on
And the type who see the bar of soap
And never, ever use it
‘Cause they know the other bather
And how often they abuse it.
Filed under Poems
Past, No Presents, And Eternity
The saddest nights in history
Are probably the fall of Rome,
The night you watch the start of “Up”,
And when Santa worked from home.
Filed under Poems
What’s Your Type?
Some men like big butts
And some like them small;
Some like short women
And some like them tall.
Some men like long hair
And some men like bald;
Some guys love feet pics
And some are appalled.
Some men like titties
And no men do not;
Some find legs sexy
And some find them hot.
Some men like fat girls
And some like them slim;
Some guys like all these
And some prefer him.
Guys are to horny
As goats are to hunger;
Some use their fingers
And some guys will tongue ‘er.
So if you’re a woman
And feel insecure
Just know if you ask him
Some guys will say “sure.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 