Tag Archives: Truth

This Is The Entire Extent Of My Political Activism

I have a cat named Marshmallow.

He’s fat, lazy, stupid, and more.

I urge you to write him on your ballot

For president, 2024.

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I Feel Like This Will Age Well…

Today was a Monday.

It wasn’t a fun day,

Nor was it remarkably fateful.

Today was a Monday.

Now it’s a done day.

And for that I am certainly grateful.

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Or, You Know, A Crippling Depression Once A Century Or So…

I don’t believe in giving the government

Unlimited power to spend

Because what if they give

Drum sets to all who live?

See how badly all this could end?

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Art History

In the beginning was pre-scarcity art

And the caves and the rocks were a’plenty.

Thrag asked “Mom, can I draw on the wall?”

She’d say “Sure, have a square foot or twenty.”

But as cavekids kept coming and new caves did not

The biggest of Thrags made a rule:

“You only draw pictures of how great I am

“Or I hit you with club ‘til you drool.“

Well the biggest of cavemen was one they called “God”

(Though it’s translated plenty of ways)

And for a few dozen eons all art was created

To offer him penance and praise.

Then one of those days God’s goons stopped beheading

And burning those who spoke their mind

And artists were arting about love and go-karting

And the God stuff got all left behind.

Well folks love their love (and, a bit less, their go-karts)

But artists got bored making beauty

So they started to mix, splatter, smear, scrape, and “other”

And their art got much less “bowl of fruit”y.

The people cried out “What’s this art all about?”

And the artists would pout and say “Feelings”

When really we know that the art status-quo

Was more about shady cash dealings.

And now we’ve arrived when the people are tired

Of listening to skilled people sing

And the artists are taught in the college of thought

That good art mustn’t mean anything.

So I, being me, full of whimsy and glee

Know you see that my own art is bad…

But my art’s about stuff, and today that’s enough

To make even my crap not so bad.

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Poems from My Vacation 3 – Elevator Mullet Kid

Some folks take vacations

To get away from work,

But for one young man employment

Was instead a travel perk.

He spent all seven cruising days

Inside an elevator.

His parents said he shouldn’t be,

But he surprised them later

By pulling out the wads of cash

(Not tips – donations, see?)

Gifted to him by cruisers

On the Ovation of the Sea.

We never learned his name,

Or why he chose vacation there.

We only knew his silly grin

And even sillier hair.

So here’s to you, cruise mullet kid

Who helped us get around!

Whenever you turn 21

We’ll all buy you a round.

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Poems from My Vacation 1 – Breakfast

Be me on the ocean

On my early morning jaunt

And I’m greeted on the stairway

By a chocolate croissant.

It’s sitting on a marble step,

Uneaten, undisturbed,

And it greets me silently,

Melty and unperturbed.

Part of me is hungry

And would gladly pick it up

But my wife holds my left hand

And my right hand holds a cup.

Instead I bend my pelvis

And my knees caress the floor

And in one delicious moment

The croissant is no more.

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Honestly, Don’t Limit It To Just Movies

I think instead of IMDB

Or Rotten Tomatoes reviews

We just need a site to completely compile

Liberal white women’s reviews.

Then you can see which films don’t appeal

To Karen and Kaitlyn and co.

That would inform me much more directly

If a film will be funny or no.

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#PoetrySports

Today I ran a 5K race

And lost at pickleball

So my writing motivation

Is hovering around “none at all.”

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Still Better Than Status Quo

What if, instead of an election,

We had a Mr. Beast style event

Where we rented a hall full of obstacles

And made every potential president

Stay in the room with the challenge

To be the first one to tell us the truth.

I think that’s an alternate system

That would better engage with the youth.

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I Think I Covered The Big Ones…

What type of Youtube watcher are you?

The type who watches that Indian dude?

Maybe the type who react to the trends

Or enjoys watching guys give cash to their friends?

Maybe you watch it for voice-to-text vids

Or use it to sedate your satanic kids?

If none of these channels tickles your tubes

Let me suggest another one – Boobs.

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