Tag Archives: Truth

Poems from My Vacation 3 – Elevator Mullet Kid

Some folks take vacations

To get away from work,

But for one young man employment

Was instead a travel perk.

He spent all seven cruising days

Inside an elevator.

His parents said he shouldn’t be,

But he surprised them later

By pulling out the wads of cash

(Not tips – donations, see?)

Gifted to him by cruisers

On the Ovation of the Sea.

We never learned his name,

Or why he chose vacation there.

We only knew his silly grin

And even sillier hair.

So here’s to you, cruise mullet kid

Who helped us get around!

Whenever you turn 21

We’ll all buy you a round.

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Poems from My Vacation 1 – Breakfast

Be me on the ocean

On my early morning jaunt

And I’m greeted on the stairway

By a chocolate croissant.

It’s sitting on a marble step,

Uneaten, undisturbed,

And it greets me silently,

Melty and unperturbed.

Part of me is hungry

And would gladly pick it up

But my wife holds my left hand

And my right hand holds a cup.

Instead I bend my pelvis

And my knees caress the floor

And in one delicious moment

The croissant is no more.

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Honestly, Don’t Limit It To Just Movies

I think instead of IMDB

Or Rotten Tomatoes reviews

We just need a site to completely compile

Liberal white women’s reviews.

Then you can see which films don’t appeal

To Karen and Kaitlyn and co.

That would inform me much more directly

If a film will be funny or no.

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#PoetrySports

Today I ran a 5K race

And lost at pickleball

So my writing motivation

Is hovering around “none at all.”

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Still Better Than Status Quo

What if, instead of an election,

We had a Mr. Beast style event

Where we rented a hall full of obstacles

And made every potential president

Stay in the room with the challenge

To be the first one to tell us the truth.

I think that’s an alternate system

That would better engage with the youth.

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I Think I Covered The Big Ones…

What type of Youtube watcher are you?

The type who watches that Indian dude?

Maybe the type who react to the trends

Or enjoys watching guys give cash to their friends?

Maybe you watch it for voice-to-text vids

Or use it to sedate your satanic kids?

If none of these channels tickles your tubes

Let me suggest another one – Boobs.

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Dear IRS…

If I had a yeasty codpiece

That was trolled through mud and sludge

And then ground into a powder

And baked into a toxic fudge

That was fed to pigs with cholera

Who shat it into a vial

I’d rather take a shot of it

Than pay you to e-file.

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And If We Refinance, We Might Get To Move Into A Three-Tired Sedan!

I made a big old spreadsheet

To learn about buying a house.

I entered my income and interest rate

And the preferences of my spouse.

I learned a lot about mortgage rates

And discovered that we can afford

A tree with a lightly-used tire swing

And a tarp that’s attached to a board.

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Imagine The Worst Thing In The Universe… Then Make It An LGBTQ Miniseries

Whenever you say “This is the worst”

Just ask yourself questions three:

1. How long will it last?

2. Have I seen worse in the past?

3. Is it going to be bought by Disney?

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You Didn’t Even Notice The $177,000,000,000 Extra Debt Since The First Verse (And Therein Lies The Problem)

One-hundred trillion one-hundred seventy-seven million seven-hundred fifty-four thousand one-hundred eighty-two dollars we owe!

One-hundred trillion one-hundred seventy-seven million seven-hundred fifty-four thousand one-hundred eighty-two dollars…

Take a vote

For a promissory note

One-hundred trillion one-hundred seventy-seven billion seven-hundred eighty-one million three-hundred twenty-five thousand and change that we owe!

https://www.usdebtclock.org/

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