New year, new you?
You do that too?
So that makes two
Of us. Who knew!
New year, new me
Is how I see
My future will be
Until January 3.
Then new year’s old
Or so I’m told
So I’ll put on hold
My plans so bold.
Tag Archives: Truth
Deterrent or Solution? How About Both!
If everyone had nuclear missiles
And lacked all self control
The internet would be a more peaceful place
And that is a most noble goal.
Filed under Poems
“Best Picture”
If you make a very realistic movie
About a very unpleasant reality
You’ll make a very terrible piece of art
That will inevitably do well on IMDB.
Filed under Poems
Thank You Blink Cameras! (Not Sponsored, But Send Me Money Anyway)
It’s fun to be “Big Brother”
When you use your security cam
To watch your kitty on the couch
When you’re away visiting the fam.
It’s funny to spy on kitty
Even though kitty mostly sleeps.
I’ve realized my life is drama free…
And also perhaps we’re creeps?
Filed under Poems
But We’re Only 138 Minutes In!
When vision of the kingdom darkens
A call to rest echoes in halls of men.
The comforts of the evening nether harken
For to lengthy sleep we’re called again.
We shall not argue with the calling;
We shall not raise a blade to fight;
Instead our bodies start their falling
Into the cold embrace of night.
“Must this end in such a manner”
Asks my voice, naive and weak.
“Obey my call”, says the lady of the manor
And so follows the man, exhausted, meek.
Thus was my evening when my wife said
“Turn off Return of the King and come to bed.”
Filed under Poems
How She Shows Her Love
My wifey loves me uber much.
She said that I am cute.
She called me such a such and such
And catcalled my patoot.
She thinks my face is epic
And my body makes her flustered
And she’s making me a sandwich
With only mayonnaise and mustard.
Filed under Poems
This Is Actually True, By The Way!
Today I’m thankful for low standards,
Two-line poems, and also band nerds.
Filed under Poems
Pussy On The Web?
True story: I work remotely
And at my meeting today
My cat jumped up onto my lap
And looked at me, then lay
Belly-up and legs upwards
To show the world his… that
So anyway, I texted my wife
To tell her about our porno cat.
But after a good laugh
At kitty’s lack of inhibition
I said something I shouldn’t have
While Alexa sat to listen:
I made a joke about “kitty porn”
But pronounced the T’s as “D”.
Please know that’s why I disappeared
If big brother comes for me.
Filed under Poems
My New Fitness Plan
Some people think that spending
Forty bucks a month or so
For exercising at a gym
Is just the way to go.
I think that cancelling the gym
Is the same as getting paid
Forty bucks a month to not
Work out. I’ve got it made!
Filed under Poems
Take That, Nukes!
One upside of weak, nerdy young people
Is that they’ll probably invent Mjolnir
But because they’re so weak, they can’t lift it
And thus we have nothing to fear.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 