Young girls get to be princesses
And have real tea at their party
And have sugar and milk
And gloves made of silk,
But boys? Yep! We get to be farty!
Tag Archives: Truth
Pokemon Release Day
Today I woke at 5:00 AM
To play a video game
Where I got to go to school
With a crocodile made of flame
And ride a living, dragon motorcycle
Far across the land,
Throwing balls at animals
So they’re at my command.
I took a day off work for this,
Ignored my social life,
Forgot to take a shower with
The girl who’ll be my wife.
All this is the triumph
Of a fully grown adult
Whose parents never let him buy
A pumpkin catapult.
Filed under Poems
Time And Suffering
Today we got to experience twice
The hour of 1:00 AM.
As hours go, it was very nice
And my sleep was remarkably REM.
Tomorrow I get to experience once
The hour of butt-crack-of-dawn
So I sign off this poem with the word “dunce”
And a working man’s 8:00 PM yawn.
Filed under Poems
Tomorrow I’ll Have Brain Cells To Use… Maybe
Today I drove a long, long way.
Tomorrow I got to the dentist.
That’s why this poem is short,
As if written by the poet’s apprentice.
Filed under Poems
What Your Teacher Is Really Thinking About
I remember when saying “Thank you Ma’am”
Was polite, not a micro-aggression.
I recall when when “Boys and girls”
Was how you called kids to attention.
I was there when, instead of a mask,
We taught kids to cover their cough.
Now I work and stay quiet ‘cause I can’t deny
It is nice to still get summers off.
Filed under Poems
Lazy Evening… Sue Me
Sitting by the fire
And my Seahawks won today.
Long day, short poem.
Filed under Poems
Art School Pays Off
Today I drew a cat.
Everyone said “Nice pig.”
They recognized it was an animal
Which, progress-wise, I think is big!
Filed under Poems
Buy My Books Now Before They Go On Sale And Lose All Of Their Value
Money’s more expensive now,
And so are milk and bread.
Your rent’s gone through the roof this year
And it’s hard to keep your head.
You might think that stocks and bonds
Are good spots for your money,
But you are wrong! The best investment
Is poetry that’s funny!
For instance, look at all the folks
Who lost their homes this year.
They didn’t buy a book of verse
But spent their cash on beer,
And I think Queen Elizabeth
Would be alive today
If she’d just read one lousy poem
Published every day!
So do it for your health and wealth
And the queen’s legacy:
Read the crap I publish here
And oh! The results you’ll see!
Filed under Poems
Love Y’all, Good Night
I wrote 92 haikus on Tuesday
That apparently nobody read.
If you’re unsatisfied with this poem
Go read some of that crap instead.
Filed under Poems
Man’s Real Best Friend
Everyone needs a big fluffy blanket
That smiles when you hug it or throw it or yank it;
It can soothe pain and dry off your tears
And it does so for free over hundreds of years.
When Summer is hot and you lie on the grass
It holds all your food and keeps bugs off your ass.
When Winter is cold and the sky is all gray
The blanket will escort the darkness away.
A blanket can act as a robe in a bind
And a tangle of blankets can help you unwind.
Yes, everyone needs a big fluffy blanket
So next time you see one, remember to thank it.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 