If I had a nickel
For every time I’ve wanted a nickel
I’d have enough to buy
At least one delicious pickle.
If I had a dollar
For every time I’ve wanted a dollar
I’d be so buried in delicious pickles
No one would hear me holler.
Tag Archives: Truth
‘Merica Loves The Draft
Today’s the day that giant men
Who some describe as “ballers”
Get called by teams of athletes
To play games for millions of dollars
And older guys who used to play
And that one blonde chick enumerate
The reason why that particular guy
Will make their newfound team great.
Meanwhile, men who’re five-foot-two
But also weigh 300 pounds
Sit in bars and pound their chests
And buy each other rounds.
And somehow through the fog
Of testosterone and concealed erections
This moment matters more to most
Than national elections.
Filed under Poems
24 Hours Of Visibility And The Whole System Collapses…
I think for one day a year
All taxes should be ignored
And you’ll see how gas is a dollar less
And your check is twenty percent more
And as you drive your car on roads
With a single pothole, wonder
Why do we support “our side” so much
When both sides keep sucking us under?
Filed under Poems
Ode To A Color That Sounds Like A Grandma’s Name
Mauve is a version of pink
That prettier than you might think.
It sounds like beigey-blue
But that’s just not true.
It was named for the mallow flower
And possesses an old-fashioned power
To make people yawn and complain.
It’s like a happy cocktail stain.
Filed under Poems
Lessons in Fine Dining
Life’s like an Oreo cookie:
The start and the end are both crappy
But the more stuff you put in the middle
The more likely you are to be happy!
Filed under Poems
And Most Artists Are Good At It…
Part of making art
Is having sincere belief
That your crap is gold.
Filed under Poems
When You Have To Do More Than One Creative Thing In A Day
There once was a D&D game
Hosted by this poet, the same.
It ended quite late
With most epic of fates
But as consequence this poem is lame.
Filed under Poems
Patty > Bun, etc.
Pizza’s pretty yummy
And hot dogs taste real nice
But I can do without the carbs
And even sans the spice.
Instead of all that bready stuff
What I really want to eat
Is meat covered in melted cheese
Then covered in even more meat!
Filed under Poems
After I Die, This Blog Will Be Considered The Highest Of Art
I watched “Everything Everywhere All At Once”
And all I can think about now
Is that a movie that makes less sense than my poems
Won seven Oscars somehow…
Filed under Poems
A Boy Becomes A Man (Mouse Saga Pt. 2)
Snap crackle pop
Is the sound you hear
When you pour rice crispies
And have some fun.
Snap crackle pop
May also appear
When the mouse trap makes
Your husbandly duties done.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 