Sometimes you park your car
Just when a song starts playing
And you sing along, now knowing
That your plans are worth delaying.
For some folks it’s the Beatles,
And for some the Rolling Stones.
For me it’s Wagner’s Ring Cycle
Which is why I’m a pile of bones.
Filed under Poems
I don’t get why some folks don’t like me.
I do all the things that they say
Like supporting the wenches and slant-eyes and injuns
And even my cousin who’s gay.
I don’t get why people think I am offensive
When all thems is stupid and fat.
I guess they must envy my skills in the kitchen…
Those Jews don’t know how to cook rat!
Filed under Poems
This afternoon, Jay Inslee,
The Governor of WA,
Mandated everyone wear masks
To which I stated: “Ha!”
The problem with such mandates
Is that if up the police show
You can say “I’m attracted to plants today”
And they have to let you go.
Filed under Poems
You told me, “Take the garbage out,”
And, I’ll admit, I tried.
Alas, your sister’s married
And refused to go outside.
Filed under Poems
“Hey Mr. Producer Guy,
I’ve got a game idea
Where two people survive the apocalypse.”
“Sure, Mr. designer guy,
But instead of death and zombies
Make the focus on blooming relationships.”
“Great idea, but what if
Instead of playing through the game
Players watched long, scripted movies of themselves?”
“And what about having
Unskippable gay sex missions?
It’ll fly right off the shelves!”
Filed under Poems
Geppetto saw the puppet
Come alive one fateful night.
He hardly could contain his pure
Excitement and delight.
He asked, “What is your power?”
To which the toy replied,
“My nose grows when I’m truthful
“And I’ve never, ever lied.”
Geppetto took the puppet
On a tour of the land
And the puppet said, “You’re beautiful”
To all the coarse and bland.
“A gift to puppetmakers
“Will increase your Earthly wealth.”
And so, in awe, they watched the nose
And drank unto his health.
And as the ugly stayed the same,
The poor stayed destitute,
The puppet stayed beloved,
For his word was absolute.
This lesson serves to illustrate
Wherefore in every hour
We ought not correlate the truth
With presence of a power.
Filed under Poems
The Persians used to rule the world
Before they started making rugs.
The British used to rule the world
Before they gave the world free hugs.
So too the Mongols, Austria-Hungary,
Greeks, and Romans lost their graces,
But none fell more than when the Goths
Learned new ways to paint their faces…
Filed under Poems
I watched her eat the popsicle
With long and sultry licks.
Her eyes met mine and so she threw
A nibble in the mix.
She slid it in and out again
‘Til it got soft and warm
And then she killed its family
And I left the women’s dorm.
Filed under Poems
This evening I realized,
While sitting in the sauna,
Some people make a living
By baking food with marijuana.
So if you are a baker
It does appear to me
You’re basically just selling weed
With a cheaper recipe…
Filed under Poems
Amidst the “What the heck?s”
About kneeling for anthems and necks
One man has consistently stood tall:
That man is Neil Diamond,
Who protested against crime and
Didn’t change his name to “Stand.” That’s all.
Filed under Poems
