I Was So Upset, I Didn’t Even Write the Next 2.5 Stanzas!

A man sold me some wood the other day.

He said “This is the best you’ll ever get.”

But when I set the wood on fire I saw

Cars painted on the sides, and knew ’twas shit.

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Pers…omething?

Sometimes I think I’m a genius,

The zenith of human existence,

But then I give up to early

Because I can’t think of an appropriate word…

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Individuality, But At What Caust?

A black guy names his kid J’Kwon

And no one bats an eye.

In Florida kids are named X-wing

And no one asks them why.

I choose a name like this

For the son I fathered

But when I say “My son, Z’Kyle”

The jews get hot and bothered…

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Polar Bear Illiteracy Kills

A polar bear showed up today

Covered in blood, he smiled: “Hey!”

Think of why. What’s that? You can’t, huh?

Maybe it was ’cause I mentioned “Mall Santa…”

This poem was intended for December, but apparently you can’t schedule a post that far in advance. Just don’t read this for 270 days, ok?

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Be Like The Index Toe

If you don’t eat roast beef

You’ll do all right.

If you have none

There’s no need to fight.

If you go to market

You’re fine by me

But it’s best to stay home

And go “wee wee wee wee.”

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How To Do A Day’s Work In 60 Seconds Or Less

If anyone ever says

“Speed matters more than quality”

Show ’em this poem

‘Cause that’ll show ’em!

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‘Twas the Best Of Times…

I studied some Spanish

And read a good book,

I exercised daily

And learned how to cook,

I got six pack abs

And I learned how to dance.

But I just can’t recall

What it’s like to wear pants…

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