Dating Asian Women?

My girlfriend left me yesterday,

Just took her stuff and went,

Yet left behind a little gift

For her now former-gent.

She left a bottle of soy sauce,

My sorrows for to drown.

She just could not resist the urge

To Kikkoman when he’s down.

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Two Keys To A Happy Mind

When you think about anything

It becomes weird,

Like why can’t tigers

Grow a beard,

Why would someone join

An introverts group,

And who first thought

“He’s a nincompoop?”

And eventually you will find

The answers are one of these

“Probably reasons I don’t get”

Or “Screw it! More chocolate please.”

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…Or Is It An Untapped Business Opportunity?

If you are an amputee

Does your erotic preference change

To match your physicality,

Or is my asking that just strange?

The reason that I ask

Is that I want to get

The web domain StumpHump.com…

Is that something I may regret?

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Romance, California Style

It may have been love

If that’s what you call it,

‘Cause I liked her tits

And she liked my wallet.

As it turned out later

Hers and mine were both fake

But we both loosed our hair buns

And took what we could take.

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I’ve Looked At Actual Books And Faces In The Meantime

Two weeks ago I left behind

A big part of my life…

And I don’t speak of small stuff

Like a job, a church, a wife…

I left behind the means by which

Most others at me look,

By which I mean the platform

That we know as the Facebook.

And since I stepped away from it

I noticed there’s a sky,

I haven’t heard “impeach Trump”

Nor been annoyed by those who try,

I haven’t argued even once

Or leered at female friends

And my days are nine hours longer

And I don’t care whom that offends.

My IQ’s jumped twelve points so far.

I may have lost some weight.

I talked a bit with strangers

At the bus’s boarding gate.

I went outside three times this week

And didn’t feel lame

And though some folks may still hate me

I don’t comment on their blame.

So overall un-pluggedness

(Or less-pluggedness if we’re honest)

Has made me ever happier,

Less pale, and a bit more modest.

Now instead of saying

“Here’s how my life should be”

To friends I haven’t seen in years

Now I can just be me!

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Listen To The Rain

The melted snow falls heavy

On the softly frozen grounds.

Soft damp dirt is flowing

And sogginess abounds.

The rivers swell like egos

And the tin roofs play their tune

As the young folks cruise the city

And ponder whom to moon.

The church is serving soup today

While TV serves the news.

One small-town team knows victory

And one team sings the blues.

And every single raindrop

That hits earth, roof, or hair

Is happy in its wetness

And, of humans, doesn’t care.

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Honorable Mentions Include: Lackey, Thug, And Fall Guy… They Just Don’t Rhyme As Easily

It may not be fun to be a grunt,

A minion, red-shirt, or blackguard,

But you’ll surely be remembered

When one sees your business card!

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