A Squirt Of Perspective

Slice of lemon in your glass?

That happens all the time,

But have you ever wondered why

It’s not a slice of lime?

The lighter-colored citrus fruits

Are served most frequently

Because climate change and racists.

That’s what half the people see.

The other half are shouting

That the lack of water-limes

Is thanks to the free-market

In these far-from-certain times

And that the pro-lime lobbyists

Will take your guns away

And so in lemon drinks we trust…

In Jesus’ name we pray.

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I Want To Be A Journalist Now

Some folks say women and men.

Some say females and males.

I say:

Some lives have a destination.

Some lives are about the journey.

Some people like kisses.

Some people prefer hugs.

Some are busy writing:

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Cooked Allah Mode

There is a mighty crater here

Where recently there wasn’t.

Ali-Baba said his bomb works

And I said “No it doesn’t.”

Ali-Baba sure was right.

Correct ’twas the hunch he had,

But he misread the bombs locale.

Thus ended his jihad.

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The Vanishing Glass

They can trap us in their zoo

Behind their walls of glass

And teach us social boundaries

That we’re not allowed to pass,

Feed us just enough bad news

To keep our anger stoked

So we don’t see the sedatives

With which we’re being poked.

We the livestock draw the crowds

Of wealthy and elected

Whose power cries more loudly

Than the souls they have neglected.

They say they’ll cure our poverty

If they can have their way

Then toast with million dollar wine

And fly their jets away.

We watch the birds who fly outside

This zoo we somehow cherish.

We think that if we join them

We would starve or freeze or perish,

Yet the glass is not unbreakable

In our patron’s steel zoo.

Some of us still crave the sky

And so I ask: Do you?

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When Your Eternal Soul Is An Introvert

Being human is great

But the best thing to be

Reincarnated as

(According to me)

Is the inside part

Of the roof of a home

‘Cause you aren’t at all sentient

And people leave you alone.

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Buzzfeed Journalism

Everything in life worth knowing

Can be found in a hard-boiled egg.

If you don’t see how that’s possible

Your name probably isn’t Greg.

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Is The Red Meat Yellow?

If you ever meet a cannibal

And it wants to eat your flesh

And you want to look less finger-lickin’ good

Then scream and cry and wail

‘Cause cannibals don’t like

The taste of chicken. Are we understood?

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