Preseason Problems

My girlfriend came home one day,

Just walked in through the kitchen door.

“Do you like my new haircut?”

I asked “What team’s Mynu play for?”

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You’re A Grand Wizard Harry

If all white people are racists

And support the KKK

It makes me see Hagrid

In an entirely new way.

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Watch Out

I saw a sign while driving home

That said “Watch for Children At Play.”

Although inconvenient to not know the time

I made the trade anyway.

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Season 8

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I put as much effort into this poem

As the Game of Thrones writers would’ve.

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It’s Awkward When Someone Says “Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace”

When a man has nothing to say

He waits in silence for the silence to end.

When a girl I like has nothing to say

She says “That’s so nice, but I have a boyfriend.”

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She Did Not Laugh Throatily

She asked me for a diamond necklace.

I gave her a diamond whose shoulders touch its head.

She asked me for a diamond necklace

But I gave her a diamond neckless instead.

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When Parents Use Your Full Name

I was not prepared

For how badly I’d be scared

When mom called “a^2 + 2ab

“+b^2, come here to me.”

FYI, my name’s (a+b)^2

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