Some people are happy to be born in July
But I say those people are wrong;
Objectively, a January birthday is the best
‘Cause then you don’t have to wait as long.
Category Archives: Poems
That Last One Will Hit You All Over The Place
No one will evacuate
For Hurricane Irma or Steve.
Those aren’t the type of names
That make Floridians leave.
I think we need more hurricanes
Like Hurricane Buried Alive,
Hurricane Dirt-On-The-Clintons,
Or Hurricane Black-Guy-High-Five.
Filed under Poems
Poet Who Kicked Tires Hospitalized With Foot Injury
They said they found the car for me,
Right in my price range.
A week later I totaled it
When I got an oil change.
Filed under Poems
When You Ask The White Guy, “How Are You”
Some people just are lucky
By their nature it would seem,
Like take my Muslim buddy
Who I fondly call Kareem…
He fought against America
And lost both legs in the war
And now he wastes no money
Buying ladders anymore!
Or take my buddy La’Kwon
Who is bald and five-foot-three
And every February
His Valentine’s dinner is free!
Some people get to camp for free
300 days a year.
Others have no eyeballs
And they never shed a tear.
Some folks are hard of hearing
And don’t have to wear a mask
And all I can say is “I am fine,
“Whyever do you ask?”
Filed under Poems
One Trapdoor Mishap Later…
I went through a stage when I was an actor.
I think the hole in the floor was a factor.
The said “Break a leg,” so I did obey.
Now I have my own cast I don’t have to pay!
Filed under Poems
Go Cry To… Oops
There’s nothing anyone can say
That won’t offend another.
For instance, if you say
That you live with your mother
Women call you loser,
Men will say you suck,
And orphans will be pissed
Because some guys get all the luck.
Filed under Poems
The News Be Like…
It is a fact from an incited source
That 30 percent of collisions
Are the result of someone driving drunk;
In other words, poor decisions.
That means that 70 percent
Of sober drivers crash.
Driving without drinking
Is, according to statistic, rash.
That fact, if analyzed in depth
Means that driving sober will
Increase your chances by 133%
That, by driving, you will kill.
Filed under Poems
Faith, Hope, and Love
Faith, hope, and love are good things He gave us,
From His bright temple so high up above,
Hoping that our faith in Him would show us
That the greatest of these many is love.
I’ve met women named both Faith and Hope though
And hoped to find a faithful love with them,
And hope for Hope and faith in Faith did grow
Though faithful love I hoped for would not stem.
But sometimes for what you hope and you pray
Are not what faith intended at that hour;
Sometimes what seems like hope misplaced may say
That patience can be full of wondrous power.
So here I am, my faith tested before
Still hopes your love is still worth hoping for.
Filed under Poems
So The Nuclear Button Might Bring Them Back?
Maybe, just maybe
Dragons aren’t here anymore
Because they breathed fire
But now the sky is full of air?
Filed under Poems
Somebody Once Told Me…
I proudly draw a perfect circle
And then somebody screams…
“It’s a Venn Diagram of people born in the ’90’s
“And people who like to make memes!”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 