PENNSBVWJDIKVKRBWBQKDOKVKVEBVRBRHFYCYALQBDBNZMCJRKRLFPCKNCNSNDKOFPELABXJOFPRPWNDBJCIFOEPWNXJCOOFKEKFKDNBRBFNJCJCJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ…
On a sandwich.
Category Archives: Poems
The US Constitution (As Read By Congress)
Filed under Poems
How To Name A Soap Opera
You know how in a setting
Where people have the same name
They add the last initial to the end
And try to make it sound not-lame?
I wonder if such trends apply
To animals as well,
Like if two sheep are named Adam
But one’s an E and one’s an L.
Let’s take it one step farther
And say there are two Adam E’s.
How do you distinguish them?
At this you dare not to sneeze.
So if you’re confused about which sheep
You’re looking for. One is eating and one’s up a tree
You can identify the sheep you want:
It’s Grazin’ Adam E.
Filed under Poems
Camelot, <60 Seconds Before This Poem Becomes Tomorrow's Poem
The table’s round.
The knights are young.
The swords are drawn
And the fu is kung.
The mists descend
Like falling water
While the king mourns
That no one has yet made “Welcome Back Kotter.”
Filed under Poems
Being Tired/Me
It’s late and I’m tired.
Around my head animated ducks do dance.
I could go to bed
But realistically there’s really no chance.
Filed under Poems
I Propose A New Form Of Government, With Blackjack… And Hookers
“People can’t be trusted
“To govern themselves.”
Thus spake the many to you.
“But we, the incompetent
“Untrustworthy many
“Have the wisdom to pick those who’ll do.”
And so those who can’t govern
Pick from among them
An elite narcissistic few
And that, my dear readers,
Is why we the people
Are quite democratically screwed.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
The Mother-In-Law Speaks
Her skin was white and milky
Like a lump of unchurned butter.
Her hair was soft and silky
Like a smooth something-or-utter.
She lived with seven midgets
With ironic, mood-based names.
She gave me a case of the fidgets
And set my life aflame…
Bitch.
Filed under Poems
TV Commercials, In Essence
You’re going to spend
The rest of your life
Drinking water solely
To transform into pee.
Instead get hydrated
The new, better way:
*Insert catchy jingle*
Come get an IV!
Filed under Poems
Time Management
I’ve got a flight
Tomorrow at noon.
It boards at 11:00,
An hour too soon.
I need to be
At the gate by 10:00 an’
That means to be safe
I’ll shoot for 9:07.
To get there by 9:00
I should leave around 8:00
So we’ll say 7:30
In case I run late.
I should set my alarm
To give myself time
To fully prepare
So let’s say 6:09.
When you figure in traffic,
Potential assaults,
The phase of the moon,
And seismological faults
I left yesterday
At 11:08
All the while disappointed
That I’ll probably be late.
Filed under Poems
I Realized Recently That I Have Been Writing Very Short Poems With Extremely Long Titles, And I’d Just Like To Say That After Today That Won’t Happen Anymore… Probably
I’m just sayin’.
Feel free to weigh in.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
As It Turns Out History Is Not My Strongest Subject – Thus The Extra “D”
You’ve heard of the musical “Hamilton”
But have you heard the talk
Of my upcoming X-rated sequel
All about John Handcock?
Filed under Poems
