I recalleth days of yore…
Glad we don’t talk that way no more.
Category Archives: Poems
Game Night In Canada
If you’re tired of playing cards
And you’ve trashed your chess set
Try something new for game night:
Canadian roulette.
To play, you take a loaded gun,
Then unload it, lock it up
And give to the police
Because they know what’s up.
Then you go play hockey
On a snowy northern pool.
That’s how a boring game night
Becomes Canadian Cool ™.
Filed under Poems
My Protest Poem
I was going to write a poem today
That would blow your socks away,
But it might please lawmakers in North Carolina
And so I didn’t.
Filed under Poems
How To Write Poetry, As Written by a Master
The fragments of a sunny mind
Coalesced in humble station
Do take images clear and true
To merge by obfuscation.
Meter and alliteration,
Thesaurus ad infinitum;
The poet utilizes these
As his poems, he does write ’em.
What once was green and white
Is basil and alabaster
If indeed the poetry you find
Is scripted by a master.
With these prerequisites complete
Thus finished is the poetic feat,
But resist that tempting lure.
Add a few more stanzas to be sure.
Filed under Poems
GPS
A hundred miles from nowhere
With sand between my toes,
I walk a beach without an ocean.
It’s my own fault, I suppose.
Her voice said “make a u-turn,”
But I thought that I knew better.
As the burns cover my body
I long for somewhere wetter.
A cactus is my crucifix,
A dune is my headstone.
She was right about the fastest route.
If only I had known…
Now lost amidst the desert
The vultures circle, waiting.
As I wait for her to finish
Her last words: “Recalculating.”
Filed under Poems
Um, no reason. Just curious…
Do animals who reproduce
Asexually
Get turned on by the absence
Of phallic imagery?
Filed under Poems
Universal Spoiler Alert
“I think you’re wrong” said someone
Who thought that they were right.
“I think you’re wrong,” said someone else,
And they began to fight.
I’d bet a million pesos
You saw that on TV last night.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 
ET (2016)
I’m an ugly alien
Stranded in a foreign land,
My family a universe away.
This didn’t turn out like I planned.
Now I labor day and night
To find a way to contact home.
Thanks to the help of local youth
My labors led me to a phone.
A phone, I’ve found, is a device
On which your reputation grows
By means of posting stolen jokes
And NSFW photos.
There are a million methods of
Making heard the things you say.
You can give a one-star Yelp review
But post pics of your meal anyway.
It’s easy to become burned out
By the never-ending social slog,
But if you do, why not recover
By sharing your favorite poetry blog?
I checked Foursquare for where I am.
This “Earth” has left me entertained,
But I must flee in my Uber now
Before humans dissect my brain.
Thanks for all your efforts
To enumerate my clout.
And with that said, ET phones home.
Roflol, XO, Peace out!
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Filed under Poems
Tagged as Aliens, ET, Humor, Phones, Poetry, Postaday, Remakes, Social Commentary, Social Media