There is a website
That hands out free money,
Feeds hungry children,
And makes dreams come true.
I didn’t go there.
I’d have to make an account
And I’ve too many passwords
Already. Don’t you?
Category Archives: Poems
No Free Love
I paid through the nose
In blood sweat and tears
To earn the love of my Lisa.
She’s worth every drop,
But before you propose
Best to ask if your love accepts Visa.
Filed under Poems
A Few Good Runs
I eat a plum
To celebrate
A happy day,
Successful date,
A win at work,
A good night’s sleep,
Looking at a woman
Without seeming like a creep.
I’ve been succeeding
In lots of ways,
And I’ll be out of the bathroom
One of these days…
Filed under Poems
Daylight “Savings”
We lost one hour
When we got out of bed.
Next year let’s do it
On a Monday instead.
Filed under Poems
But I mean Well
I’m the type of friend
That gets called at 3:00 AM
By a buddy in a ditch
Needing someone to help them.
I’m the type of friend
Who will drive a hundred miles
At 90 miles an hour
To see tears turn into smiles.
I’m the type of friend
Who hits pedestrians
Because I do not sleep.
Yep, I’m that type of friend.
Filed under Poems
Installing Updates
Only on Windows
Does “100% complete”
Mean “Go get a donut,
Go see that movie,
Go create world peace,
Then come back and see
‘18% complete.'”
Stranded In Paradise
I’ve been here
For a hundred days,
All by myself
With the ocean waves.
Now normally
I would be pleased
With this sunny weather
And ocean breeze,
All the free food
I can eat,
But I’m lonely.
There’s no one here to meet.
I haven’t spoken
Or had human contact
Since my nav equipment
Got out-of-whack’ed.
I wrote a message
In the sand,
Hoping a rescue
Had been planned.
Then on the day
One-hundred and one
I got a message
From someone.
A bottle floated
Onto my beach,
A letter inside
Just beyond my reach.
I made a rope
Of jungle vines,
Some of my hair,
And survival twines.
I climbed down a cliff
And grabbed my hope.
I popped the cork
And read the note.
“Hi there stranger!
“This game’s a rush!
“Come join me
“On Candy Crush!”
My sandy message is gone
Without a trace.
I no longer miss
The human race.
Filed under Poems
Pagan Pickup Lines
Baby, I want you to know
I’d sacrifice anything for your love.
Say the word and I’ll do it,
Be it goat, virgin, or dove.
Filed under Poems
Um, Yeah, You Kinda Do…
When you slip on a banana
While you wish upon a star.
When you’re whistling Santana
And someone steals your car.
When you order Cappuccino
But you’re served Americano.
When your spelunk with Al Pacino
And you get covered in guano.
Whenever great things happen
Followed by a social gaffe…
Sure, that stuff is funny
But you don’t have to laugh!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 