Venus shone in the Eastern sky
Where Captain Terry liked to fly.
He looped some loops in his F-16
‘Round where the planet could be seen.
The daring pilot’s heart alight,
He dreamed of love throughout his flight,
For due West his love, elated,
For her pilot had awaited.
But as he spun beneath the sun
One of his engines said “I’m done,”
And so the pilot returned West
At a pace much quicker than was best.
His lover from the hangar did stare.
Of the Captain’s plight she was unaware.
His awesome dive did make her swoon.
“Come home Terry. Come home soon.”
And now his second engine blew
From the strain of working enough for two.
And so one thousand stories high
Captain Terry ceased to fly.
He plummeted like public approval
After a popular thing’s removal,
And with Venus as his guiding light
He ejected his seat into the night.
This almost-dying was new to Terry.
Was he nervous? Oh yes! Very!
He reached for his parachute’s rip cord,
Yet found it missing. Oh my lord!
Now this is where the tale gets strange,
For the average seagull’s visual range
Is but a mile during nights like these.
(I made that up, don’t cite me please).
Perhaps it was his lover’s prayer
As his plane dropped suddenly from the air,
But a flock of gulls was happening by
As Terry fell out of the sky.
“Help me seagulls!” Said Captain T
(Not thinking straight as you can see).
One of the seagulls gave some fuss.
“If we help, what’s in it for us?”
Terry’s mind was numb with shock
As he hurtled past the selfish flock.
He offered them insurance. Alas no luck,
For they were friends already with the Aflac duck.
He offered them his pilot’s suit,
Which he assured them would look cute
On the seagull leader’s feathery bod.
The leader smiled and gave a nod,
And with that nod, the seagulls pooped
A nonstop rain of avian soup.
It fell harder than rain or snow
Which filled a gully miles below.
And so the seagulls stripped Terry bare
And flew off laughing through the air
As Terry landed in the lake
The seagulls had been kind enough to make.
Terry had survived his fall
And, save his pride, wasn’t hurt at all.
He walked back towards the hangar where
His love still waited, unaware.
He sauntered up, all naked and crappy
To the gate at airbase Neil-McNappy,
Where he was denied reentry
Because he lacked I.D, so said the sentry.
If you hadn’t guessed, you see,
Captain Terry is really me.
So now you’ve heard my tale of woe
Can you spare some change?
Huh? Where’d you go?
The Daily Travesty 