Sometimes I look back and wonder
“Why didn’t I spend more time studying
“How to write mission statements?”
Then I assemble a committee to discuss
Whether retrospection is amenable
To well-ordered, politically-correct society:
Results pending.
Butt Why?
If you think your job is bad
I think I’ve got you bested:
Today I read on a rectal thermometer
“Each unit individually tested.”
Filed under Poems
Hue’d Never Guess…
Apparently, the color “peacoat”
Is sort of grayish-blackular
I would have thought it greenish
Given “pea” is in its vernacular,
Or perhaps a pale yellow
Would fit Peacoat’s pigmentation?
Alas, the color picker people
Lack an eight-year-old’s imagination!
Filed under Poems
Not What I wanted To Hear My Teenager Saying…
If I had a roll of nickels
For every driver’s-ed I didn’t learn
I could make bus drivers angry
‘Til the dinosaurs return…
Filed under Poems
Ode To A Color That Sounds Like A Grandma’s Name
Mauve is a version of pink
That prettier than you might think.
It sounds like beigey-blue
But that’s just not true.
It was named for the mallow flower
And possesses an old-fashioned power
To make people yawn and complain.
It’s like a happy cocktail stain.
Filed under Poems
Everyone Loves Being Notified Of The Ordinary Life Of Acquaintances
There once was a millennial parent
Who thought it completely apparent
That people online
Wanted to see their kids doing fine
But it turns out those people did caren’t.
Filed under Poems
Give Me The Change You Want To See
You know how when you want to watch
A YouTube video
And just when it gets to the good part
The talent starts to show
An ad for “Raid: Shadow Legends”
Or some other mobile game
And you just skip ahead because
You think the ad is lame?
Well, that’s basically the state
Of politics today:
Companies sponsor actors
And we look the other way.
So if you want to change the world
Don’t buy Pfizer or Walmart.
Instead, please spend your hard-earned cash
On poetry to start!
Filed under Poems
I Bet Scissors Makes “The Rock” Their Spokesman
Sometimes life is sunny
And everything goes right;
Sometimes you’re the VP of Marketing
And decide to revamp Bud Light.
Filed under Poems
Compromise (A Child’s Tale)
Every good boy deserves a pony.
Every good girl deserves a fiddle,
But the parents “Eat your broccoli”
And called this crime “Meeting in the middle”.
Filed under Poems
Finally Some Recognition!
‘Twas the day after Easter
And the kids were off school
Eating copious sugar
And emitting much drool
When a rabbit emerged
And said “Sorry I’m late!”
Then he hid eggs all over
And hopped over the gate.
The children tried chasing,
But bunnies are fast…
Then it dawned on a child
Who whispered at last
“If the bunny came here
“Today, who was that
“Who brought candy yesterday?”
Thus smiled the Easter Rat.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 