Tag Archives: America

Alternate Political Thoughts

Roosevelt called it “A New Deal.”

‘Twas just an IOU.

He didn’t know who’d pay for it,

But turns out that it’s you.

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Emancipation proclamation?

More like “Cut the black a little slack”.

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Medicine prices don’t seem fair?

Let’s have some Obamacare!

Instead of paying to heal me

I pay so you get care for free!

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There’ve been 27 amendments,

Of which ten were automatic

In this American republic

Which is also democratic.

One was banning alcohol.

One was saying “Oops, our bad”

And that may be the greatest unity

The States have ever had.

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Where The Senators Cared And The Emperors Were Regularly Assassinated

All I can say about our state of affairs

Is that watching movies about Rome

Makes me think “This government’s ok,

“Or at least better than the one back home.”

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I Miss The Good Old Days… 2015

There once was a man from Ohio

Who didn’t put pronouns in his bio.

He works hard and makes money

And he married his honey

And why can’t this be status quo?

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I’d Get Arrested In Europe For Writing This…

There once was an American leader

Whose mind was starting to peter.

He said “Easter’s the day

“Where we normalize gay”

And some people still think this ain’t theater.

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But Will They Play A Jazzy Star-Spangled Banner On A Ukulele While I Wait?

Thank you for calling the Federal Gov,

The people who rule you and speak from above.

We’re using your tax dollars to be on our break

So please wait seven hours. Your freedom’s at stake.

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The Hero We Need…

So mesa was a thinkin’

Yousa complainin’ all about

This election between the grandpas

Who’s a handle and a spout

‘Cause a woopsie in white house

Followed by an oopsie-dee

Makes you thinky, given options,

You’lda even vote for meeee!

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The Parabola Is Beginning Its Descent…

In 1999 the Matrix took the red pill.

In 2012, the Avengers were assembled.

In 2025 we’ll get the fifth Fantastic Four.

And now you understand just why I trembled.

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Your Tax Dollars At Work #7,419

Before every movie you watch

There’s an FBI warning and on it

Is a message that vows either prison or fines

If you copy the movie and pawn it.

Meanwhile, in 38 states

Shoplifting a movie is legal.

I think it’s time the the FBI bird

Was replaced by a drunk cross-eyed seagull.

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When They Started Using Those “Printer” Things, Everything Went Downhill…

When the Roman Empire fell

People thought “This isn’t swell”

And for a while they were right

And all the world was dark as night.

Then a guy named Gutenberg

Turned out to be a giant nerd

And invented a thing called a printing press

Which writers say reduced their stress.

After this, a rennaissance

Began, and then a war in France

And freedom became the big buzzword

That people gravitated toward.

Now as another empire falls

I wish we’d have the collective balls

To look how we got in this mess

And demand they bring back the printing press.

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Meanwhile, Google’s AI Says…

If I had a nickel

For every commercial starring a white guy

I would have as much money

As the black people who aren’t in ads.

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Violets are black.

Roses are black.

Criminals are racially diverse

So cut me some slack.

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Sure, the future isn’t white

But don’t you worry! It’s alright!

Europe’s long past its golden days

And no one likes swimming anyways.

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