One upside of weak, nerdy young people
Is that they’ll probably invent Mjolnir
But because they’re so weak, they can’t lift it
And thus we have nothing to fear.
Tag Archives: America
On “Inciting Incidents”(Bonus Points If It Involves A Historical Artifact)
It doesn’t require much talent to be famous.
There really is near nothing to it
As long as you don’t care what they name us
And don’t care if you need to live through it.
Filed under Poems
Somewhere, In Their Parents’ Basement, Is An Overworked Game Designer Making Voting Machines
In every Pokemon game
The story is the same.
In Zelda, the main canon
Is the bad guy’s always Ganon.
So if you say that Russia
Is rigging elections, I’ll shush ya
‘Cause if anybody can
I’d guess the culprit is Japan.
Filed under Poems
Enough Is Enough
Why do we keep electing the people
Who think that it’s totally cool
To make a new law that requires a sign
That says “Wet Floor” and goes in the pool?
Filed under Poems
And Then We Got The Modern TSA…
‘Twas the night before National Report Medicare Fraud Day
And all of the drama
Happened in NYC
Largely due to Osama.
The planes were a flying
And the pilots were wild
And the towers that were twins
Became an only-child.
But alas, that new status
Was not long for this world
As another plane crashed
And tower two curled.
Then we heard men exclaim
As the tow’rs became soil:
“Yay American unity!
“Now let’s go steal some oil.”
Filed under Poems
The NBA Breathes A Sigh Of Relief…
One upside of trans acceptance
Is that in ten years women’s sports
Will probably make a profit
Now that men are on the courts.
Filed under Poems
My Foreign Policy Platform
I think instead of buying tanks
We should hire children
To run around with pool noodles
And speak in Italian to people
Who are unhappy
Because America deserves happiness
And we have to spend $33 trillion on something.
Filed under Poems
I May Not Have Love, But My Mattress Full Of Money Keeps Me Warm At Night
If you’re having trouble with a breakup,
Feeling glum, and lacking sex
Just remember Elon Musk bought Twitter,
Flipped the bird, and called it his “X”.
Dwayne “Dwayne The Rock Johnson” Johnson
There once was a smoldering man
Who was muscular and quite tan.
He lost all his hair
But did not seem to care
And is basically new Jackie Chan.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 