Tag Archives: America

November 18, 2023 · 6:39 pm

Watching The News

I, for one, am grateful

That 24 hours a day

I can turn a TV on

And learn I’m not ok

‘Cause someone in another state

Is angry and insisted

That the government fix an issue

That I didn’t know existed.

I’m glad I can be angry

On demand, and also wary

Now that I know a deadly thing

Is affirmed as “very scary”.

I’m also glad these stations

Are translated totally free

To whatever political language

Is most offensive to me!

We’re lucky seven corporations

Tell us the woes of corporate greed

While insuring that we’re well-informed

About what brand-name crap we need.

Anyway, I’m done complaining!

Now excuse me as I go

To learn about the trans kids

Swimming here from Mexico.

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November 13, 2023 · 7:30 pm

Hunter’s Ted Talk

Remember when we were in grade school

And the winner of every fight

Wasn’t the guy who said “I have infinity”

But “I have infinity plus one”, right?

Well yesterday my boss said “You’re fired”

And I said “No, I’m infinity fired plus one”

And now I’m on the board of directors

And also the president’s son!

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November 11, 2023 · 4:42 pm

Take That, Nukes!

One upside of weak, nerdy young people

Is that they’ll probably invent Mjolnir

But because they’re so weak, they can’t lift it

And thus we have nothing to fear.

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November 7, 2023 · 4:47 pm

On “Inciting Incidents”(Bonus Points If It Involves A Historical Artifact)

It doesn’t require much talent to be famous.

There really is near nothing to it

As long as you don’t care what they name us

And don’t care if you need to live through it.

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September 18, 2023 · 7:46 pm

Somewhere, In Their Parents’ Basement, Is An Overworked Game Designer Making Voting Machines

In every Pokemon game

The story is the same.

In Zelda, the main canon

Is the bad guy’s always Ganon.

So if you say that Russia

Is rigging elections, I’ll shush ya

‘Cause if anybody can

I’d guess the culprit is Japan.

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September 14, 2023 · 6:59 pm

Enough Is Enough

Why do we keep electing the people

Who think that it’s totally cool

To make a new law that requires a sign

That says “Wet Floor” and goes in the pool?

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September 11, 2023 · 5:34 pm

And Then We Got The Modern TSA…

‘Twas the night before National Report Medicare Fraud Day

And all of the drama

Happened in NYC

Largely due to Osama.

The planes were a flying

And the pilots were wild

And the towers that were twins

Became an only-child.

But alas, that new status

Was not long for this world

As another plane crashed

And tower two curled.

Then we heard men exclaim

As the tow’rs became soil:

“Yay American unity!

“Now let’s go steal some oil.”

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September 8, 2023 · 7:55 pm

The NBA Breathes A Sigh Of Relief…

One upside of trans acceptance

Is that in ten years women’s sports

Will probably make a profit

Now that men are on the courts.

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August 1, 2023 · 8:16 pm

My Foreign Policy Platform

I think instead of buying tanks

We should hire children

To run around with pool noodles

And speak in Italian to people

Who are unhappy

Because America deserves happiness

And we have to spend $33 trillion on something.

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July 24, 2023 · 7:07 pm

I May Not Have Love, But My Mattress Full Of Money Keeps Me Warm At Night

If you’re having trouble with a breakup,

Feeling glum, and lacking sex

Just remember Elon Musk bought Twitter,

Flipped the bird, and called it his “X”.

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