Tag Archives: Japan

Subtitles Wa, Kawaii Desu

I watched American cartoons

All day every day.

My dad said I should read more

So now I watch anime.

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Never Fear: I’m Committed To Discovering The Answer Through Careful Hands-On Research

I don’t know if it’s tiny skirts,

Amble chests, or giant eyes

Wherein the popular appeal

Of the anime female lies.

What part of perfect, flowing hair

And cheerful attitudes

Holds such mysterious appeal

To socially awkward dudes?

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If The Beatles Were Japanese

Kaiju… Don’t make it mad.

It takes a city and makes it flatter.

Remember to shoot it straight in the heart.

Then you can start to stem the slaughter.

Kaiju… Best be afraid.

Though it’s filmed in low resolution

The minute its scales start to glow white

You know a fight’s the best solution.

And any time it feels pain, Kaiju eats planes.

It’s teeth are big and blunt like boulders.

And know you know how far Kaiju can fling poor you

Whenever his primal temper smolders.

Raarrrraaaarraarrr rar rar rar raaaar…

Rar rar rar raaaaaaarrrrrr… Kaiju.

Mitsu, don’t let me down.

You’re for some reason a robot pilot.

Remember to punch it right in the heart

So school-kids can start to sing together. (For whatever reason)

So fight it out and knock it down, Kaiju’s renown

Will suffer a bit after your meeting.

Don’t fret, Mitsu, that only you can fight Kaiju

And dish out an asian island beating.

Ha ha ha, ha, ha ha ha… HIYAAA!

Kaiju… he’s going down.

Falls in Tokyo Bay and makes stuff wetter.

The credits are just beginning to roll

But don’t take a stroll… the sequel’s better.

Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!

Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!

Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!

Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!

Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!

Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!

Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!

Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!

Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!

Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!

Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!

Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju 2!

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False-Rape Culture

The marriage rate is going down

And many tears are falling.

The good men left and left behind

Some eyes bloodshot from bawling.

Men no longer mentor

Any women that they pay

Because they fear the power

Of what said women might say

And smart men will no longer talk

To strangers in a skirt

‘Cause they’re one false “j’accuse” away

From sleeping in the dirt.

Cats think that this circumstance

Is surely heavensent:

They live with 30-something women

Whose exes pay the rent.

Meanwhile the men rebuild themselves

From fighters into monks

And leave the chasing women

To the inner-city punks.

The West now walks on eggshells.

There is no doubt about it:

The feminists have made their beds

And now they lie about it.

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J-Pop Songs

They could be singing

Of murdering puppies

Or of the great pleasure

Of wringing your neck.

They could even be singing

“Go Panthers go!”

But sing in Japanese

And it’s catchy as heck.

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And I Bet They Have Cute Uniforms There

Do you want to be a wizard,

A chef or a vampire?

Do you want to train a monster

Or have power over fire?

Do you want to be a warrior

Who fights an evil horde?

Or maybe it’s that normal school

Just leaves you feeling bored.

If you want to read your family’s minds

Or own a talking cat,

Chances are, in animé,

There’s a school for that.

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