I wish, when first you met someone
You’d know if you should care
And could see if they’re important
By the weirdness of their hair.
I wish that all decisions
Could be solved in such a way
That a card game or a cook-off
Would decide who rules the day.
I wish that every skill
Could be mastered in an hour
Through a training montage sequence
And above-3,000 power.
But I would trade these wishes
Plus a leg and six months pay
For the girls in real life
To be the girls in anime.
Filed under Poems
The waves were crashing on the shore;
It was a lovely sight.
The fireflies caroused with me
Amidst the starry night.
The sand, still warm with faded sun,
Was soft beneath my feet.
Then my house was firebombed
By the US Pacific Fleet.
Filed under Poems
I watched American cartoons
All day every day.
My dad said I should read more
So now I watch anime.
Filed under Poems
I don’t know if it’s tiny skirts,
Amble chests, or giant eyes
Wherein the popular appeal
Of the anime female lies.
What part of perfect, flowing hair
And cheerful attitudes
Holds such mysterious appeal
To socially awkward dudes?
Filed under Poems
Kaiju… Don’t make it mad.
It takes a city and makes it flatter.
Remember to shoot it straight in the heart.
Then you can start to stem the slaughter.
Kaiju… Best be afraid.
Though it’s filmed in low resolution
The minute its scales start to glow white
You know a fight’s the best solution.
And any time it feels pain, Kaiju eats planes.
It’s teeth are big and blunt like boulders.
And know you know how far Kaiju can fling poor you
Whenever his primal temper smolders.
Raarrrraaaarraarrr rar rar rar raaaar…
Rar rar rar raaaaaaarrrrrr… Kaiju.
Mitsu, don’t let me down.
You’re for some reason a robot pilot.
Remember to punch it right in the heart
So school-kids can start to sing together. (For whatever reason)
So fight it out and knock it down, Kaiju’s renown
Will suffer a bit after your meeting.
Don’t fret, Mitsu, that only you can fight Kaiju
And dish out an asian island beating.
Ha ha ha, ha, ha ha ha… HIYAAA!
Kaiju… he’s going down.
Falls in Tokyo Bay and makes stuff wetter.
The credits are just beginning to roll
But don’t take a stroll… the sequel’s better.
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju 2!
The marriage rate is going down
And many tears are falling.
The good men left and left behind
Some eyes bloodshot from bawling.
Men no longer mentor
Any women that they pay
Because they fear the power
Of what said women might say
And smart men will no longer talk
To strangers in a skirt
‘Cause they’re one false “j’accuse” away
From sleeping in the dirt.
Cats think that this circumstance
Is surely heavensent:
They live with 30-something women
Whose exes pay the rent.
Meanwhile the men rebuild themselves
From fighters into monks
And leave the chasing women
To the inner-city punks.
The West now walks on eggshells.
There is no doubt about it:
The feminists have made their beds
And now they lie about it.
Filed under Poems
They could be singing
Of murdering puppies
Or of the great pleasure
Of wringing your neck.
They could even be singing
“Go Panthers go!”
But sing in Japanese
And it’s catchy as heck.
Filed under Poems
