It’s been 6 hours since Donald
Gave a speech at Capitol Hill
Expressing his opinions
And imposing his Donaldly will
But the question that America
Will be asking is not about that.
Instead, we’re asking what’s the deal
With Melania’s mile-wide hat.
Tag Archives: America
The End Of An Era
There once was a puppet named Joe
And what he did he doesn’t know.
Tomorrow he leaves
And while blue-hair girl grieves
We’ll welcome back orange MAGA bro.
Filed under Poems
Bigger Hoard+Fewer Knights=Gender Studies!
Roses are red and violets are blue
And people say dragons aren’t real
But I think the dragons, between me and you,
Ran out of princesses to steal
And so turned to work outside their tradition
Like enrolling the maidens in college
Where they charge a fortune for the latest edition
Of textbooks for more useless knowledge.
Filed under Poems
The Poetical Political Spectrum Test
The Left
If your daughter tells you “Mother
“I am actually your son”
Then tell him that’s amazing
And he’s still your favorite one.
The Right
If she says she wants testosterone
Tell her she’s testost-on-her-own.
Filed under Poems
Ah Yes… You Charge Us More To Remind Us To Pay You To Help Them Steal From Us
At 11:59 on December 31st
A ball fell in NYC.
It was at that moment Turbotax
Said “It’s time to remind you of me!”
Filed under Poems
New Game?
We’ve reached the point in Monopoly
Where all the property’s gone
And one rich guy is making
Everybody else a pawn
So why are we surprised
When the thimbles of the world
Decide it’s time the tables flipped
And wads of cash get hurled?
Filed under Poems
Last Season’s Alcohol: Corona… This Season’s Alcohol: Fireball
To all of you who laughed at me
When I said “Dragons are real”
I present you: California.
Now how do you feel?
Filed under Poems
I’m Doing My Part
With the recent rise of terrorism
And assassination attempts, please
Remember it was Robert Selander (Mastercard CEO)
Who invented “Convenience Fees”.
Filed under Poems
Help Wanted: Male Model – Experience Required: 5+ Years Of Being Female
In the near future, diversity quotas
Will become even harder to fill
So job interviewers will have to start meetings
With, “Hey, so I see you are Bill
“But if you’ll let us call you Simone during work
“And you’ll say that your pronouns are ‘they’
“Then we’re happy to call you our newest employee.
“Otherwise, have a very nice day.”
Filed under Poems
I Don’t Need Proof Through The Night That Our Flag Was Still There
There are two days of the year
Where fireworks and beer
Are acceptable for neighbors to abuse
And yet some neighbors (ours)
Must be from Venus instead of Mars
Because tonight’s the night they picked to light the fuse…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 