One day a friend said he’d set me up
With “A girl, 18/19.”
That turned into the weirdest date
On which I’ve ever been,
‘Cause when you see 18/19
You read the “/” as “or.”
He meant it as a fraction.
I don’t do blind dates anymore.
Tag Archives: Bad
I’m a Bad Boyfriend And A Bad Global Citizen
I always treat a girl to Ethiopian food
Whenever we have a first date.
There’s nothing quite like the look on her face
When they bring her an empty plate.
Filed under Poems
Egg On His Face
Judas betrayed Jesus,
Really gave him the shaft.
Judas said “YOLO,”
And Jesus just laughed.
Filed under Poems
The Humpback
If you’re a man trying to hump
A large marine mammal that’s male
If it humps back you may have found
A homosexuwhale.
Filed under Poems
Starched Contrast
“Iron Man” is a hero
Who shoots lasers from his hand.
He has no female counterpart…
“Iron Woman” is a command.
Filed under Poems
More Deep Thoughts
Living a happy and comfortable life
Is like eating a lot of chocolate:
It makes you fat and kills you slowly
But it’s totally worth it.
Filed under Poems
Songs of the American South
Black Lyrics
Sometimes I ponder
That yonder fonder rapper,
That slapper of the fapper
Who use the public crapper
Just writes, night after nights,
Under fluorescent lights
Whatever rhymes, even if that means
He writes more wrongs than rights
‘Cause the whites, they delight
In da light skin they got,
They ain’t thought how we fought
‘Cause our families were caught
And sold in days of old for a handful of gold.
Dig it?
——————————————————–
White Lyrics
Hey baby, I’m thinkin’
That since we’ve been drinkin’
And we got us a truck
Let’s roll up a joint
And drive to make-out point
And shoot us a deer or a duck!
One Thing Most Of You Will Never Have To Worry About
If you’re ever taking a walk
And you’re an amateur mime named Jean-Jacques
You’d be an unlucky bloke
If you had a stroke
But oh, how the viewers would talk!
Filed under Poems
Board Games In Baltimore
We sat down to play
The latest version of Clue,
Read through the rulebook
To check what was new,
Saw a new character
Named “Mr. Not-White”
And we shouted “Case closed”
And called it a night.
Filed under Poems
Lent Carols
Silent bells, silent bells,
Silent all the way.
We’re not happy but at least
The priests don’t know we’re gay. Hey!
Silent bells, silent bells,
Silence for the win!
Here’s to seven weeks to stew
In our original sin!
…
Silent night, holy night.
Jesus ate not a bite.
Satan says “make that rock into bread.”
Jesus’s like “Naw, I’ll come back from the dead.”
Then he gave up Facebook!
(If you doubt it go read the good book).
…
On the first day of Lent
Jehovah gave to me…
Hot sand and misery!
On the second day of lent
Jehovah gave to me
No 🤬ing food
And some hot sand and misery!
On the third day of Lent
Jehovah gave to me…
(Use your imagination, we’ve got 38 more days of this 💩)!
…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 