My IQ is 99.
My height is five-foot-three.
My GPA was 1.8
When I earned my PhD.
I’m not a total nincompoop,
Just a little slow.
If you ever need a nincompee
I’m free. Just let me know!
Tag Archives: Bad
Storytelling, PhD Style
Once upon a time
There was a noncommittal grunt
That lurked within the throat
Of a rather stuck up… woman.
One day it emerged
And then vanished into thin air.
There’s some backstory and lore as well
But I figure you don’t care.
Filed under Poems
Bachelor Life
Sometimes
When I see a beautiful woman
I feel compelled
To approach her,
Take a sip of champagne,
Gargle it loudly for 12.5 seconds
Then just walk away
‘Cause I don’t need all that drama.
Sorry Fellow Libra…
When I was born the doctor said
“Your son may never speak.
“His tongue is all misshapen,
“His entire body weak.
My parents only smiled and laughed
As they rode home on the bus
Saying “At least that doctor
“Wasn’t talking to us!”
Filed under Poems
Well, The Years Start Coming And They Don’t Stop Coming! Fed To The Rules And I Hit The Ground Runnin’! (If you don’t get this joke, you’re one of the first two)
When you say 2001
Some say “A space odyssey,”
Some say “September 11th,”
Some say “The year of the first Shrek movie.”
One of those subgroups
Is precious to me.
Filed under Poems
If California Secedes…
I wish there were a country
That was named “Yomom’sawhore”
‘Cause that way children wouldn’t have to
Study geography anymore.
Filed under Poems
A Diatribe On The State Of Political Upheaval In Western Civilization
The incidences of protests
Inversely correlate
With the cost of protest signs
And whether people have a date.
Filed under Poems
Watch As This Somehow Violates The WordPress Terms Of Service…
If you see an ad
Anywhere around this page
Do not click on it.
Advertisers don’t
Pay me to be on my site.
That gives me no joy.
But if I offend
All the advertising firms
They might go away.
Thus all these haiku
Warning you not to click on
Those cheap f#%^ers’ ads.
Filed under Poems
Charisma 18, Dexterity 1
Abraham Lincoln,
The breaker of chains:
‘Twas he who guided
America’s reigns,
Who heralded vict’ry
And ended much strife
But couldn’t dodge a bullet
To save his life.
Filed under Poems
Quick Thoughts On Bad Drivers
Justice
I think we all agree that it’s
A terrible fate to drown
But I still wish it on those
Who pass me then slow down.
——————————————————–
Bumper Stickers:
It have noticed that
People honk for Jesus more
When I text my friends.
——————————————————–
Self-Awareness
If you see a car with the hazard lights on
It’s probably my Grandma Ruth.
She’s not a very good driver
But she always tells the truth.
——————————————————–
You Do It Too…
My pinky and ring-finger rise
And my upward palm is flat,
The universal symbol
Of “What the fuck was that?”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 