Tag Archives: Bad

[(e^ x pi)^2] x 32/8 Poems About Stephen Hawking

He inspired T-Pain’s voice

And Kristen Stewart’s face.

He inspired the customer service line

For JPMorgan Chase.

He’s inspired Chuck Norris’s costars

And how my face looks when I kiss.

He inspired Kaepernick’s anthem quote:

“I will not stand for this.”

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Stephen Hawking read a book

About how to improve his look.

A little rouge and some eyeliner…

He was a brief history of sublimer!

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If Stephen Hawking gained some weight

And higher mass increases gravitational pull

Would fat Stephen Hawking be more attractive?

(And you thought physics was dull)!

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Stephen Hawking lit himself on fire

To experience how burning feels.

He gained a greater understanding

And a new nickname: Hot Wheels

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Gender Studies Major Seeking Employment

My IQ is 99.

My height is five-foot-three.

My GPA was 1.8

When I earned my PhD.

I’m not a total nincompoop,

Just a little slow.

If you ever need a nincompee

I’m free. Just let me know!

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Storytelling, PhD Style

Once upon a time

There was a noncommittal grunt

That lurked within the throat

Of a rather stuck up… woman.

One day it emerged

And then vanished into thin air.

There’s some backstory and lore as well

But I figure you don’t care.

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Bachelor Life

Sometimes

When I see a beautiful woman

I feel compelled

To approach her,

Take a sip of champagne,

Gargle it loudly for 12.5 seconds

Then just walk away

‘Cause I don’t need all that drama.

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Sorry Fellow Libra…

When I was born the doctor said

“Your son may never speak.

“His tongue is all misshapen,

“His entire body weak.

My parents only smiled and laughed

As they rode home on the bus

Saying “At least that doctor

“Wasn’t talking to us!”

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Well, The Years Start Coming And They Don’t Stop Coming! Fed To The Rules And I Hit The Ground Runnin’! (If you don’t get this joke, you’re one of the first two)

When you say 2001

Some say “A space odyssey,”

Some say “September 11th,”

Some say “The year of the first Shrek movie.”

One of those subgroups

Is precious to me.

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If California Secedes…

I wish there were a country

That was named “Yomom’sawhore”

‘Cause that way children wouldn’t have to

Study geography anymore.

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A Diatribe On The State Of Political Upheaval In Western Civilization

The incidences of protests

Inversely correlate

With the cost of protest signs

And whether people have a date.

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Watch As This Somehow Violates The WordPress Terms Of Service…

If you see an ad

Anywhere around this page

Do not click on it.

Advertisers don’t

Pay me to be on my site.

That gives me no joy.

But if I offend

All the advertising firms

They might go away.

Thus all these haiku

Warning you not to click on

Those cheap f#%^ers’ ads.

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Charisma 18, Dexterity 1

Abraham Lincoln,

The breaker of chains:

‘Twas he who guided

America’s reigns,

Who heralded vict’ry

And ended much strife

But couldn’t dodge a bullet

To save his life.

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