Curtains rise. Spotlight.
I am in my underwear.
Modeling is weird.
Curtains rise. Spotlight.
I am in my underwear.
Modeling is weird.
Filed under Poems
To be born at disadvantage
Is a blessing many lack,
For the many born with health or wealth
Will each forever lack
The chance to earn their happiness
Through overcoming trials.
They’ll only know resenment
In their peers’ flattering smiles.
But those who overcome their birth
Achieve both admiration
And strength of will and character
From their determination.
Why would you trade your only chance
At your heroic rise
For merely money undeserved
From people you despise?
Why not become the person
Who you worshipped as a child?
If you reject the spice of life
Your pleasures will be mild.
Instead of playing victim
In your one and only shot
Recast yourself as victor
And pursue the life you’ve got.
Filed under Poems
Some say we need to make America
A strong, resilient nation again.
To those people I would ask
To name exactly when
Our country, whose brave leaders
Are vegetables and crooks,
Whose best and brightest students
Struggle reading chapter books,
Whose economy is imaginary
And whose borders are nonexistent
And is still full of opportunity
Stopped being so resilient?
Filed under Poems
Oh muse, you flighty angel
Who fills my mind with light,
Why can’t you come when I’m working
And not the middle of the night,
For when I lay my head upon
My pillow, soft and dark,
I do not want to think about
Who would win: A truck or a shark.
Filed under Poems
He may seem like a regular guy
But there’s something you don’t know:
There’s a secret god of rock and roll
Inside this Average Joe.
He can make a room of peasants dance
And blow the roof off nightly
But he also has to pay the bills
To not appear unsightly.
He’s a part-time rockstar with a full-time job,
An overdriven ax and a name tag (“Bob”).
He’s bohemian, rhapsodic, and his stairway to heaven
Just happens to start at the 7/11.
So next time you go out to purchase a slurpee
Just know that the guy who you pay
Might just be the someone you blast as you’re driving,
A new-age Bon Jovi someday,
And know that berating him ‘cause your burrito
Is stale is annoying and wrong
And he’ll write down your name so when he finds fame
Your behavior will be a hit song.
Filed under Poems
They’ve already invented a time machine.
I’m as sure of this as I’ve ever been.
The reason it isn’t a feature today
Is because all the time travelers went away
To a time when a house was only 10k
And your wife could stay home with a kid on the way,
When votes were counted, voices were heard,
There wasn’t a World War (let alone a third).
They traveled and traveled and stopped at a time
Where telling the truth wasn’t punished as crime.
I just hope when they stopped is an age that will last
And will be in our future instead of our past.
Filed under Poems
If you ever think your ideas are stupid
Just remember films about turtles
Who are pizza-loving teenage ninjas named after renaissance artists
Made 1.2 billion dollars. How’s that for clearing hurtles?
Filed under Poems
I made a roller coaster
That goes a million miles an hour
It has 50 real tigers
And a giant lava shower
And there’s fireworks and live grenades
And unicorns and shit
And, for some reason, investors
Won’t have any part of it?
Filed under Poems
Broken pottery
By the lawn I haven’t mown
And my old blue truck;
Living comfortably
And all that I sacrificed
Was my lofty goals.
Then a cool pillow
When I wake and feel refreshed
Like when I was young;
That ginger sunrise
Isn’t unattainable
If I love enough.
Filed under Poems
No matter your age or your weight or your sex,
If you like Raisin Bran or prefer Chex,
There comes a time when the day is all done
You bid fond farewell to the moon and the sun
And fade into fancy, a limerent land
Where nothing is normal and banished is bland,
Where poets can prosper and perchance partake
In fantasy simply for fantasy’s sake.
I wish you good venture into such a place
As the slackness of sleep falls fast on your face.
Sleep now, and linger beyond the awake
Where nothing is real but nothing is fake.