It might mean very different things
When I say to my girlfriend
“I still can’t understand you,”
Followed by: “Come again?”
Tag Archives: Humor
Ish Matters
Calling someone squeamish
Is more complex than it may seem.
After all, when was the last time
You called someone a squeam?
If someone is Spanish,
Sorta shy-ish, or whatnot
You know exactly what they are
But what’s a squeam?
…
…
…
That’s what I thought!
Filed under Poems
True, Except For The Part Where I Have A Girlfriend
I’m not a competitive person
Like my girlfriend, Eleanor.
We laugh about how competitive she is
But I always laugh more.
——————————————————–
Perfectionists are bad at limbo
But not because it’s tough…
They spend the game complaining
That the bar’s not high enough.
Filed under Poems
They Called It “Animal Control Headquarters”
I went to the zoo.
There was only one dog there.
It was a shih tzu.
Filed under Poems
How My Mind Works 27 Minutes Before A Deadline…
Certain things sound like
Exactly what they mean
Like soy latte, pumpernickel,
Kitty, spoof, and spleen.
Other words were chosen
Without their meaning in mind
Like crepe, seizure, pumpernickel,
And the “pay me” version of “fine.”
Filed under Poems
When Poetry Doesn’t Pay The Bills (Also, But My Books)
Today I made money
By performing tasks.
That’s why this poem’s late and bad
In case anybody asks.
Filed under Poems
Another Win For Airport Security
Bob and Jim were terrorists
With three-ounce bottles of shampoo.
Steve and Josh were anarchists
And they each had some shampoo too.
They made a bomb to kill some folks
By pooling all of their shampoo
And they would have succeeded
If Dan, with the nail clippers, had gotten through.
Filed under Poems
You Can’t Fail If You Don’t Try
In a horror movie
A main character will die.
In an animated movie
Someone’s probably going to fly.
In any recent Disney movie
Someone’ll be the token gay.
In a romantic comedy
No one marries their fiancee.
In a movie with a heist
Someone will dance under lasers.
In a movie set at college
The new kid will meet hazers.
In fantasies, a hero
Will be to a dragon born,
And that’s why I don’t mind
When there is not a plot in porn.
Filed under Poems
Success Is A Choice
Somewhere past the mountains,
O’er the river, by the glade
Is a land of fame and fortune
Where a fellow might get laid.
Somewhere by my bedside
There’s chocolate cake and beer
And a whole day to play Skyrim
So my choice is pretty clear.
Filed under Poems
Did You Read The New Twilight Spinoff?
I’m proud to be half-centaur
And so are my sister and brother.
We have human legs
And a centaur’s torso
And a very satisfied mother.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 