Glory to the makers
Of electronic devices
For they have made available
All the knowledge of man
Yet only they know
How the heck the darn things work.
Tag Archives: Humor
HBO Anyone?
I’ve created the pilot
Of a TV show
That is sure to be a success.
It’s called “Days of our Sons
“Of The Detectives Whom
“Go To High School in the North by Northwest.”
It features mysteries,
Drama, and romance
‘Neath a musical fantasy sky.
It may not be good,
And it may not get watched,
But it’ll run longer than Firefly.
Filed under Poems
A 93% Accurate History Of My Mom
When my Mom was younger
She worked on the railroad
All the live-long days.
She was filled with a hunger
To escape from the railroad
And find a guy with whom to pass the days.
She hung up her axe and hammer
For an erlenmeyer flask
And took a job for Carly Fiorina.
My Dad she did enamor
And had the guts to ask
“Do you want to see a show at the arena?”
They got married in the Summer
And moved out to Colorado
And brought my future sister to the world.
Three very-good years later
A doctor in Colorado
Said “you’ve got another kid in you. A girl.”
And so you dreamt of Molly
But months later Dave arrived
And his presence made your life complete.
When I think about it, golly!
Now your life story’s archived
And only for sake of rhymes did I once (or twice…) cheat.
Filed under Poems
Dating an Introvert
When you ask me if I’d like
To come inside and have a drink
I must admit I am unsure of
Just what I’m supposed to think.
For if you wish to offer me
Some decaf, juice, or tea
And chat a while and then retire
That sounds alright to me.
If you’re friendly invitation
Is an amorous innuendo
I’ll be flattered. Nonetheless
I’ll respectfully decline though.
And when, to the inviter,
These truths I clearly state
I get to home home early
And needn’t have a second date.
That Position In Bed
There was some smashing,
Some twisting and spitting,
Some moaning and throbbing,
And the eating of a peep.
I lay on my back and
The sheets got all sweaty
But now I’m all comfy
And ready for sleep.
Happy Mexico Day, White People!
Las poema de todayo
Estas un indicator-õl
De how mucho yo remembero
From das high school Espagnõl.
Filed under Poems
Horse Shoes
Clip-clop, clip-clop.
The horse passes by.
Clip-clop, clip-clop.
It has no shoes, but why?
Flip-flop, flip-flop.
Problem solved.
Filed under Poems
Double-O Me
Chanel number five
When she comes home at night…
Something about it
Just doesn’t feel right.
She won’t catch my eye.
There’s a lie I can see.
This sounds like a job
For Double-O Me!
I’m spying on Wilson.
I hope it’s not John.
I’ve got to find out
Just what’s been going on.
My heart will stay broken
‘Til I find out the truth.
Time for Double-O Me,
The ultimate sleuth!
She doesn’t like Travis
And Alfred is a bore.
Ted’s not into women
And Pete is off at war.
Her other male friends
I cannot recollect
So maybe the answer’s
Not what I expect?
I’m done spying on Wilson.
I know it isn’t John,
And still I have to wonder
Just what is going on.
My heart will stay broken
‘Til I find out the truth.
Yet more time for Double-O Me,
Still the ultimate sleuth.
I’ve gotten sick of lurking
And staking out my friends.
Now I’m hoping that the means
Will justify the ends.
I asked her “why the perfume?”
She said “It blocks the smell.
“I like pet-sitting Scruffy
“But he stinks like bloody hell!”
For sure it isn’t Wilson.
John was innocent too.
Turns out that my suspicions
Were anything but true.
My heart’s no longer broken,
But I’ve one more thing to do.
Next up for Double-O Me:
To give that dog a talking to.
Regarding The Going-On of Hearts (Near, Far, Wherever…)
As icy water wraps me
Like Satan’s comfort blanket
The naked truth hits me
Like one of my French girls.
I realize that I will die
And almost certainly not win an Oscar.
I look out on the ocean,
Green waves far away massage
Where the shore’s shoulders would be
If the shore had shoulders.
A cold wind turns the surface
Into a speckled visage,
The watery face of a teenage boy
If that’s what the ocean were.
Leagues below, seaweed dances
As a beloved mermaid sings
About how unsatisfied she is
With royalty and wealth.
All I hear is screaming,
The sound of burning wreckage
Sinking below the surface,
And Celine Dion warming up offstage.
As I gaze into the eyes of my love
Whom I met a few hours ago
My suffering diminishes
For I do not suffer alone.
A thousand boyfriends will share
This 214-minute suffering
For so long as home videos exist.
I was her shoulder to cry on,
Something the shoulderless shore
Will never be.
Okay, I’m cold now.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 