A side effect of internet
Expanding the nobodies’ voices
Is what were once called parodies
Are now called valid choices.
Opinions so abhorrent
That no one would speak in person
Are fodder for hysteria,
A fate I fear will worsen.
No civil conversation
Can withstand the hate of distance,
And leaving online life
May be the only sane resistance.
What evidence have I
That things are dire as I claim?
Well, someone unironically
Wrote “Firefly is lame.”
Filed under Poems
Placelandia! We celebrate
The nation that is not a state,
The place where politicians come to die!
Where residents have common sense
And our plan for national defense
Is not to be a dick to folks nearby.
Placelandia! We celebrate
Our lack (so far) of Watergate
Or other nasty scandals of that kind.
Where citizens think differently
And something backs our currency;
A country built with happiness in mind.
Placelandia! Placelandia!
A nation that can safely be ignored.
Placelandia! Placelandia!
Where drama-seeking tourists will be bored.
Placelandia! We celebrate
That here nice guys can get a date
And nobody is told they must comply.
Where everybody owns a Glock
And Fox exec Rupert Murdoch
Would not have had to cancel Firefly.
Placelandia! We celebrate
A place mostly devoid of hate,
Where legs just shave themselves if given time.
We hope you have enjoyed this song
And pop stars didn’t sing too long
Before the very easy ending rhyme.
Placelandia! Placelandia!
It’s a pretty snazzy kinda joint.
Placelandia! Placelandia!
Okay, okay, okay! We get the point!
I graduated first in my class
From the Juilliard theater school.
I auditioned for a sci-fi show
I thought looked pretty cool.
I showed up at the studio
At 6:15 AM
To help film the now-beloved
Sci-fi classic show for them.
I went to see the costume folks.
The gave me scarlet shirts,
And asked me “are you wearing
Something where, if you fall, it hurts?”
With my adamant denial
They sent me to the stage
Where I memorized my script
Which totalled almost half a page.
The crew was very friendly.
The set was very cheep.
They had a token black girl
And the captain was a creep.
I asked about my character.
“What is his last name?”
They said “he doesn’t have one.”
Such was my first taste of fame.
To this day I look back and smile
When I watch that episode
Where 1:17 into it
A monster roars and I explode.
It was my only great achievement,
And I cannot tell a lie
But at least my job stability
Trumped that of Firefly.
Filed under Poems
I’ve created the pilot
Of a TV show
That is sure to be a success.
It’s called “Days of our Sons
“Of The Detectives Whom
“Go To High School in the North by Northwest.”
It features mysteries,
Drama, and romance
‘Neath a musical fantasy sky.
It may not be good,
And it may not get watched,
But it’ll run longer than Firefly.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 