A little bird told me
“Tweetley tweety tweet tweet.”
I don’t exactly know what it means
But I bet it’s something neat!
Tag Archives: Humor
Fixer-Upper Relationships
Why yes indeed,
I rode my steed
To do the deed
Of rescue.
For a maiden fair
I did ride there,
My only care
To rescue.
I slayed the foe
That guards her, though
I only did so
To rescue
That stolen dame.
I would lay claim
To lass and fame
Through rescue.
The door open wide
I rushed inside
To where she does reside
To rescue.
When I did, I saw
A girl with bloody maw
Holding a chainsaw.
Now my rescue
Seemed quite in doubt.
As it turns out
Well, could you help me out?
I need rescue.
Filed under Poems
Based On A True Story
Sometimes I get tired of writing crap
So I write something lovely instead.
Tonight is not one of those times.
Now I’m done and I’m going to bed.
Filed under Poems
After The Birth
In a bloody mass of who-knows-what
A tiny terror meets the world
The doctor slaps it on the butt
Then gives it to you, warm and curled.
Ten years later it has grown fangs
A whirling aura of disease,
It looks so cute behind its bangs,
But that hair is full of lice and fleas.
It makes a noise that never stops,
A high pitched whine, a piercing cry.
Alas, it seems to call you “pops”
So you cannot wish that it will die.
Someday it will become a beast
That eats your food and drives your car.
All your boundaries will be pushed
Until it knows its gone too far.
And then it leaves, all big and grown
Perhaps to university.
You wonder how the time has flown
Until it moves back in with a degree.
After a while it gets a job,
You get gray hair and shrink a bit,
And then you die and people sob
And people bury you and shit.
Your lives are done, your beast is weaned,
You’ve given all the vital talks.
Now from the grave you proudly beam
And watch the dryer eat its socks.
Filed under Poems
Disaster in Orange Grove, AKA The Justified Swerve
Two 18-wheelers,
Thirteen sedans,
Four snow-white horses,
And a biker named Hans:
That was the death toll
Today in Orange Grove
When I noticed a spider
On my leg as I drove.
Filed under Poems
Twelve Unborn Chickens Died To Bring You This Poem
When I throw eggs out the window
While on the motorway
Some jerks honk and curse at me.
That’s what I learned today.
Now if I hit you with an egg
You can honk if you want to
But I don’t mind ’cause either way
In the end the yolk’s on you.
Decisions, Decisions
Twenty-one years old,
A whole life ahead of me.
But there’s Youtube too…
Filed under Poems
Cat Vs. Mirror: The Phantom Menace
His likeness was mine,
His visage my own.
His eyes shone the same,
His fur shared my tone.
I gazed at him
And he gazed back at me.
I figured he saw
What I also did see.
I swiped at his paw
And he swiped back at mine.
It was time to rebuke
This copycat swine!
We swiped at each other.
His claws were like glass!
We fought like equals
But I kicked his ass.
Then I spun around
And that coward fled.
Now it’s time for eating
And then off to bed.
Filed under Poems
I Wonder No Longer
Have you ever wondered
How soon is too soon
To bring up a topic
Of which everyone’s sick
Like politics, what to eat,
Or Frank herbert’s “Dune?”
‘Cause more manta ray poems
Would be pretty slick…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 