Tag Archives: Humor

The Year So Far

‘Twas a short and hectic year
That crawled by a month at a time.
I ended most days with sleep
And started all with a rhyme.

I was unemployed for a while
After graduation,
But somehow I survived
And avoid flagellation.

I discovered the forbidden joys
Of anime and manga,
Continued doing improv,
And never lined a conga.

Now I work with Aflac,
With my days spent on the road,
But when I go to sleep at night
My shoulders lose a load

Because when I pull the covers
Over my weary head
I’m an undercover agent
Whom no government wants dead.

‘Twas a five-and-a-half stanza year.
Thanks for laughing with me here.

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A Forward-Thinking Fellow

I raised my chimney nine inches
When I remodeled my home.
It makes the opening hard to reach
For a reindeer, elf, or gnome,

So I installed a dumbwaiter
To help the givers out.
It makes it hard to build a fire,
But I feel like it gives me clout.

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It Started Out Wise

Three wisemen sat on a log,
In contemplation of a bog.

The first wiseman said “if you will,
“Take a look at the rise of the hill.
“See its gentle, curving side
“Not so unlike my long-lost bride.”

The second wiseman inclined his head
To graying waters, and he said
“Think about this water, rife
“With pestilence, and yet with life.”

The third wiseman felt all alone
As he sat staring at his phone.
He wanted Christmas poetry,
Yet found the Daily Travesty.

The first wiseman, nostalgia found.
The second wiseman almost drowned.
The third wiseman followed the blog
As he sat with the others on a log.

The bog itself was still, unchanged.
This poem, however, is deranged.

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Follow Your Star

Follow your star
Wherever it leads.
Reap the fruits of desire
With your dreams as the seeds.

Follow your star
To your destiny’s stage.
Embrace life’s uniqueness,
Serenity, rage.

Follow your star
Into infinite space.
I just hope that it leads you
Far away from my face.

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Word Choice

I always thought I was the type of pig
Who built his house of bricks,
But on my online dating profile
I referred to women as “chicks.”

I don’t know how I’ll find true love,
After dropping such a bomb.
I guess the fire that burned my bridge
Started with a match.com

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When Motivation Doesn’t Come

I slept in ’til nine.
It felt really, really good.
This is a haiku.

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Almost Educated

I never learned how to sew,
So my homemaking skills are so-so,
But I know “two” from “to,”
And I even learned “too,”
So I guess you reap what you so.

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The Sequel

Thirty years after the events
Of the movie “Home Alone,”
The little kid who starred in it
Must now pick up the phone

And call the bank to bend and scrape
For money to be loaned.
The mortgage guy approves the app,
A trap for our hero.

And so the boy becomes a man
With a house, all on his own.
The title of the sequel is
Of course, “Home: A Loan.”

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Mountain Transport

Never underestimate
The power of a bike,
For if you do, I’m telling you
To go and take a hike.

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Lamps… Everywhere

I don’t need lots of money,
Fancy cars or clothes.
I’m happy as can be
Without any one of those.

Instead what my heart longs for
Through every lonely night
Is to once find a hotel room
Lit by one overhead light.

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