‘Twas the Fifth of July
And all through the room
People were sleepy
From lots of boom boom.
But we can take solace
As tinnitus lingers:
The worst of our neighbors
Now have but nine fingers.
Tag Archives: Humor
The Zookeeper Writes An Honest Children’s Book
A is for Antelope, which isn’t a deer.
B is for Babirusa, which isn’t a pig.
C is for Capybara, an animal I hear
Was the largest of rodents ‘til your kid did appear.
D is for Dumbo Octopus, a name that fits you.
E is for Echidna, which I wish your wife said.
F is for Frigatebird, which sounds much akin
To what I wish to say unto you and your kin.
G is for Gerenuk, which is also not a deer.
H is for a place where you might disappear.
I am now leaving to go do my job
And I bid good day to you and your blob.
Filed under Poems
Plane And Simple
While early birds may get the worm
Another truth may make you squirm:
Early birds often get
Sucked into a jet
And thus, to sleep late, I affirm.
Filed under Poems
Seriously Though!
Instead of advertisements
That interrupt your day
I think we should have achievements
That say to you “Hooray!
“You did a thing that worked
“And your team from [insert brand]
“Reminds you that you’re awesome
“And we’re giving you a hand!”
If a business did this
I would probably buy their stuff.
Instead, we’re scared or guilted
Into brands by a digital bluff.
So if you are a corporation
(‘Cause corporations are people too)
And you read this far, I hope that
You’ll do what you need to do.
Filed under Poems
Still Better Than Status Quo
What if, instead of an election,
We had a Mr. Beast style event
Where we rented a hall full of obstacles
And made every potential president
Stay in the room with the challenge
To be the first one to tell us the truth.
I think that’s an alternate system
That would better engage with the youth.
Filed under Poems
Debate Limerick, 2024
There once was a were roses were blue
Or they were red, but they can be that too
And they went oh gone by the thing
And the… he’s a bad flower and I’m king
And we beat medicare and covid is a jew.
Filed under Poems
Still Better Than Poetry
I applied for a new job today
With better benefits and pay.
It’s that eel that pops out
From a rock, looks about,
And goes back inside 10,000 times a day.
Filed under Poems
Am I Sexy And Dangerous Now?
Roses are red.
Vegans are pale.
When they read my blog in 10 years
They’ll probably put me in jail.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 