“Put on some sunscreen,” they said,
“Or else you’ll get all burnt and red.”
Now my flesh is peeling
And I have the feeling
That I have been grossly misled.
Tag Archives: Lies
Propaganda and Truth
An all-knowing fellow told the whole story,
Every secret, every detail,
But there was no crowd, no backers or profit
So truth was revealed but to no avail.
When spoken too slowly its skipped;
If spoken too quickly its not understood;
If frankly presented, forgotten;
If theatrically, laughed at, no good.
A fellow can tell the whole story
But regardless the truth will stay true.
And sometimes to listen and be open-minded
Is the best you can possibly do.
Filed under Poems
Boyhood
If you never rode a bicycle
From the top of dead-man’s hill
And hit 100 miles an hour
And then took a wicked spill
And sprayed your blood all everywhere
But didn’t cry one bit
Then son, you are a wussy.
If you did, you’re full of it!
Filed under Poems
This Is Why We Have Pets…
If I had a chicken sandwich
For every time I ever farted
My death by starvation would be queuing.
If I had a chicken sandwich
For every time I lied
You’d never hear my farts above the chewing.
Filed under Poems
Because She Took All The Liar’s Money? Or Is He Ridiculously Honest? Either Way, He And His Brother Are Standing By A Fork In The Road And You Probably Have To Ask Them Where Their Town Is Or Something
If I had a nickel
For every time I lied
I would have zero cents
And a supermodel by my side.
The New Normal
Conforming is courage.
Sameness is unique.
Silence is violence
So we all must speak,
But if you speak other
Than what we agree
The only conclusion
Is patriarchy!
Everyone’s special
Except for the whites
And all men, plus women
Who want to have rights.
Such people are dangers
To our peaceful views
Unless they are silenced
By endless bad news.
“The truth” is old-fashioned.
“Your truth” will prevail.
If there are no winners
Then no one can fail!
So dye your hair purple
And get your tattoos
And be one of us rebels
Who share the same views.
Filed under Poems
When You Stretch The Truth Just A Teensy Bit To Get A Sponsorship
When I was a child
I had a lot of fun
Playing a mosquito
As I drank my CapriSun.
Now I’m nine-feet-tall and rich
And so hot it’s not funny
So, CapriSun, please send me
Stuff that doesn’t cost me money.
Filed under Poems
TV Breakfasts
Mom and Dad both work all day
But when the morning breaks
You should see the breakfast
That Mama somehow makes:
A hundred stacks of pancakes,
Bacon, toast, and jam,
Four glasses of fresh orange juice
And a massive honey ham,
And upon this wondrous bounty
Cometh the kids and Dad
They grab a strawberry and run
And Mom’s not even mad…
Filed under Poems
But No! The Advertisers HAD To Lie To You…
I think the greatest opportunity
Anyone ever missed
Was “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter”
Not making butter, ’cause what a twist!
Filed under Poems
Almost Year of the Ox…
I was in San Francisco
Looking for a Gucci bag.
I saw one that was perfect
But it didn’t have a tag.
I asked the asian shop clerk
“Is this real? I’m not a cop.”
He said, “Bag not counterfeit,”
And that was bull in a china shop.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 