Pooping is great!
Pooping is fun!
Just sit on the toulet
And ploop! You’re all done!
Or if you are male
And/or have a phone
Pooping can give you
An hour alone!
Tag Archives: Life
Test Scores Declining = Ineffective Terminators
What if a time traveler became a teacher
And for a few decades or so
Just didn’t teach people to write
Because they already know
That AI will destroy the world
And our only hope are those
Who trained the AI how to write
Using their own terrible prose?
Filed under Poems
The Lube Job
I can’t afford to pay a dominatrix.
Their fee is simply too high to abide,
So when I want to be whipped and degraded
I turn on the “check engine” light in my ride.
Filed under Poems
Orthodox Inroverts
When people say “What would Jesus do?”
I take that to mean
That I should go underground
And for three days not be seen.
Filed under Poems
Flawless Logic
Victory is sweet.
Sweet things aren’t good for your health.
“Loser” means “healthy”.
Filed under Poems
Secrets From Da Biz
Play a little bit wrong
With a lottle bit of style
And the people gonna clap
And the judges gonna smile.
But if you play it perfectly
And accurately articulate
I hoping you enjoy standing
By the phone, where you’ll forever wait.
Filed under Poems
Untitled Goose Poem
You’re always here.
You’re always loud.
“I am a goose”
You shriek, so proud.
You’ll never leave.
Your song won’t cease.
For certainty
I thank you, geese.
Filed under Poems
Hey Boss, Today I’ve Prepared This 8-Hour Video For You Showing How Your Employee Spends A Typical Workday. It Will Be Graded
When a teacher is sick
They call in a sub
Who may or may not know the material.
I think all jobs
Should have similar deals
When they contract something bacterial.
If you get a cough
Or an ache or a wheeze
Your workplace will fet on a call
With some guy named “Jake”
Who comes to your desk
And proceeds to do no work at all.
I don’t want this deal
Because I slack off
Or because it will help anyone;
I want this because
If I could have any job
“Substitute you” would be pretty fun.
Filed under Poems
Manly Thoughts
We’ve marketed bottles water
And, in some places, fresh air.
I think next we should bottle sleep
(If the marketing people care).
Just twist the child-proof yellow cap
And chug an hour of rest.
Sure, we have caffeine for that
But caffeine’s not the best.
Instead, just but some shuteye
Or even forty winks
And feel refreshed much quicker
And save your bed for kinks.
I’m not sure how you’d do it
But I’m quite sure that we should.
But now I’ll sleep for free again
And pray for morning wood.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 