Today you might feel sad
But you’re still better off than the guy
Who bought 90 rolls of toilet paper
Then found out it’s all single-ply.
Tag Archives: Life
Some Jobs Can’t Catch A Break…
Where I live in Washington
The schools are shutting down.
The restaurants are closing
All across my little town.
Musicians, actors, dancers
Have no place to ply their trade
And artists cannot show their work
And therefor can’t get paid.
Amidst setbacks and panic
There’s a cloud with a silver-line:
Though you cannot learn or act
Or dance or sing or dine
There is no ban on poetry
Being posted on the net;
Thus why I’m still writing at 10:39.
Is this virus over yet?
Filed under Poems
We’re Also Live-Streaming Bird Songs And Countable Sheep
This is your local government
Now or pretty soon
Emailing to let you know
That we sanitized the moon.
Looking into space
Will no longer cause disease
So while we cancel everything
Go stargaze as you please.
Filed under Poems
Reasons I’m Moving To Japan
I wish, when first you met someone
You’d know if you should care
And could see if they’re important
By the weirdness of their hair.
I wish that all decisions
Could be solved in such a way
That a card game or a cook-off
Would decide who rules the day.
I wish that every skill
Could be mastered in an hour
Through a training montage sequence
And above-3,000 power.
But I would trade these wishes
Plus a leg and six months pay
For the girls in real life
To be the girls in anime.
Filed under Poems
Keeping Your Head Above Water
I bought a fish named Clem on Tuesday
And by Wednesday he was dead.
I bought a fish named Joe on Thursday
But hid him under my bed.
Joe is living happily
Unlike poor, stubborn Clem
Who saw guys on TV and challenged himself
To hold his breath like them.
Filed under Poems
Thanks Google!
I asked my Dad, “Before computers
“When you were bored what did you do?”
He wouldn’t say, and none of my sixteen
Brothers and sisters knew.
Filed under Poems
Two Types of Difficulty
Is it harder to be a single mom
Made pregnant at eleven
Or to be a single mom
When you’re a childless man at 87?
Filed under Poems
The Elites
Who once was an ideologue
Now bears a predacious heart,
A prerequisite for leadership
In politics and art.
Who once fantasized
Is yoked by sponsors unseen,
Separate from the audience
Who now seem unclean.
Who once dreamed of changing
Now for sameness votes,
Repelling their friends,
Trapped within their own moats.
Who is no longer meek
Now learns how and why
The meek inherit nothing
If the elites never die.
Filed under Poems
Economics 101
I was almost bankrupt
But rather than admit defeat
I missed a few car payments
And boom! I’m back on my feet!
Filed under Poems
Wardrobe Malfunction
Yesterday I was responsible:
Got dressed, and went to work.
Just ’cause I mixed the order up
Doesn’t mean I’m a jerk…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 