I took some tests last weekend
And got results today.
The good news: I’m not pregnant
And my blood pressure’s okay,
My cholesterol is healthy
And my IQ’s 121.
The bad news: My personality test
Indicates that I have none.
Tag Archives: Life
When You Could Be Productive, But…
Sometimes I wonder
What life would be like
If chickens went bowling
And cows went on strike,
If dolphins loved hockey
And dogs weren’t adored
And monkeys were funky
And, yes, I’m that bored.
Filed under Poems
Dog Years
I was a teenager after a year,
Middle aged by the time I was two.
I’d spend months in a minute chasing a ball
And spent weekends taking a poo.
A scratch on my ears was an hour in heaven
Though it seemed but a second to man.
I wonder if master can feel my time
And pray one of his seconds he can.
Filed under Poems
So Are The Neighbors Happy Or Not?
I played some screamo-metal music
In my yard the other day.
Now the grass is black,
And the lawn cuts itself, so yay?
Filed under Poems
My Musings On The Economy
I’m a musician in Washington state.
Governor Inslee extended the date
Of the “Stay home, stay safe” order,
Banning two months of shows.
How I’ll make those 12 bucks back, nobody knows…
Filed under Poems
Pers…omething?
Sometimes I think I’m a genius,
The zenith of human existence,
But then I give up to early
Because I can’t think of an appropriate word…
Filed under Poems
‘Twas the Best Of Times…
I studied some Spanish
And read a good book,
I exercised daily
And learned how to cook,
I got six pack abs
And I learned how to dance.
But I just can’t recall
What it’s like to wear pants…
Filed under Poems
The Purpose of a Bird
What is the purpose of a bird?
To fly? To eat? To breed?
Is its life a thing of choice
Or else of merely need?
If its purpose is to fly
But, hatching from its shell
Is born without the wings to fly
Can life be ever well?
If its purpose is to eat
But lacking seed or prey
Can the bird starve nobly
As nature has its way?
If its purpose is to breed
But has no living mate
Is the bird worthwhile still
Despite its desperate fate?
And what of birds within their egg
Afraid to face the light
For fear of life without a mate
Or lack of food or flight,
Who lay inside their egg, so warm,
Who never hurt or cry?
Are they blessed who never live
For they shall never die?
What is the purpose of a bird
Who cannot do a thing?
To live in stillness silently
Or else, perhaps, to sing.
Filed under Poems
The Chosen Pun
We’re locked in our houses
Away from the world,
Sanitizing ourselves
As our lives come unfurled.
As we wipe down possessions
The thing I don’t get
Is why “Spring Cleaning” jokes
Aren’t popular yet.
Filed under Poems
An Unexpected Goal
Somewhere there’s a recipe,
Solutions for your life,
A walkthrough to your victory,
An antidote to strife.
Today I build a fire
To light me on the trail
To find instead the recipe
Detailing how to fail.
If there is a flawless guide
Describing how to win
It cannot be of value
To those who look within.
To pass without a challenge
And to win what can’t be lost…
What value is a victory
Attained without a cost?
No master has deficiency;
No one has conquered failing.
My torch shines bright in search of plight.
Here’s hope for stormy sailing!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 