She’s a glass doll made of plastic,
A silent symphony,
A baby butterfly
But not a caterpillar, see.
She’s the sense of satisfaction
Men don’t get from buying shoes.
She’s a pomegranate seed,
But just the part without the juice.
She’s nonfat butter ice cream.
She’s that feeling of “just woke up.”
She’s everything and nothing
Which is probably why we broke up.
Filed under Poems
I flipped a coin. It landed heads.
I flipped again. It landed tails.
One or the other every time-
It is a trick that never fails.
I asked eight girls “wanna do it?”
Four of the girls thought it was funny
The others got a guy to dent my skull.
This is why people are attracted to money.
Filed under Poems
I reserved us a table
At Chez Fantastique,
Unparalleled class,
Unquestionably chic.
I wanted to give
Only the best to you,
But alas with me
Guess a dinner will do.
Filed under Poems
We meet as if by fate
As quietly you chew your nails.
As the hour grows so late
We fall asleep and life falls off the rails.
Suddenly I’m in your head.
I listen to the signals your brain sends.
All of your nutrients are mine;
Your means will satisfy my ends!
You ate me up
And I’ll return the favor.
The taste of you’s
My brand new favorite flavor.
And now to you I sing this song
So you will never get me wrong:
I love you! You know it’s true
Even though I’m one inch long.
I hope you can digest the fact
I’ve gotten under your skin.
You’re losing weight, but just you wait
For our life together to begin!
Your pain is mine, and mine is yours.
I hope our love is true,
And even as you try to purge me
I’ll always have a special place inside of you.
You ate me up
And I’ll return the favor.
The taste of you’s
My longtime favorite flavor.
And now to you I sing this song
So you will never get me wrong:
I love you! You know it’s true.
By the way, I’m six feet long. 😉
They say when you love something
Time will stand still.
I think love’s correlated
With my watch-repair bill.
I asked what she got
On the SAT.
She said “mayonnaise.”
I said “so did me!”
Filed under Poems
A first drink or a first date
Can be first love or likewise hate.
A first kiss or first fight
Are blackness deep and endless light.
A first dance as man and wife
Will give you joy for all your life
Unless man/man or woman/woman you’re.
Then you’ll complain about this poem for sure.
Filed under Poems
I like to raise a ruckus,
Rouse some rabble, have some fun.
I’m a manly man, so wild
That my hair is in a bun.
I’m true to my own nature
Even if it makes folks hate me.
I’m a mysterious loner bad-boy
So why does no one want to date me?
Filed under Poems
Under the apple tree
You are you, I am me.
We can hug and kiss all day
And never hear the others say
“Why are you kissing that horse?”
They don’t understand of course
But under the apple tree… well, there
No one ever seems to care.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 