You’d think that I
The matchmaker
Would find a lovely wife.
Alas, somehow
I’m lonely still,
But making fires is no strife.
Tag Archives: Love
What Gets You Going
Look at me,
Your darling man,
And tell me what you see.
Are bulging arms
And washboard abs
All there is to me?
Is my gleaming hair
In the setting sun
What makes your heart seek mine?
Is it how I flee
When your husband gets home
At 8:00 instead of 9:00?
Filed under Poems
Honest Guy Problems
“What’s your favorite body part?”
The online survey said.
I wrote “chest hair.” I’m a guy,
And thus my empty bed.
Filed under Poems
No Free Love
I paid through the nose
In blood sweat and tears
To earn the love of my Lisa.
She’s worth every drop,
But before you propose
Best to ask if your love accepts Visa.
Filed under Poems
Pagan Pickup Lines
Baby, I want you to know
I’d sacrifice anything for your love.
Say the word and I’ll do it,
Be it goat, virgin, or dove.
Filed under Poems
Blind Dates
When she looks at me
Children scream and flowers die.
Probably no big deal…
Filed under Poems
Bad-Boy Musicians?
I’ve played the trombone
Since I was eight-years-old.
“No one loves trombonists”
I’ve frequently been told.
Despite this I persisted
With an empty heart and bed,
But now I think I’ve had enough.
I’ll play the accordian instead.
Filed under Poems
Last Chance!
To those of you
Who’ve found a love,
Or maybe just a date,
Tomorrow you’ll
Have happiness
From early until late.
For those like me
Who are alone,
Why are you still reading this?
You’ve still got
Some hours left!
Find something not-too-gross to kiss!
Filed under Poems
If So, You’re Doomed
If I were born with tentacles
Sticking out of my head
At first I’d think my life was rather sad,
But I could meet a pretty squid
And maybe have a kid
And then it wouldn’t be nearly as bad.
So if you have no limbs
Or an extra toe or two
Don’t worry. You’ll find love for sure!
You’ll find the one, I guarantee
Unless you are like me,
That is: online, honest, and five-foot four.
Filed under Poems
Spam Has Feelings Too
Sure, I send love notes
To quite a long list
Of folks who viewed websites
Your firewall missed.
One day I’ll be Rachel,
Then April or Pam.
I’m whomever you like
If you check out my cam.
My purpose of being
Is simply to please.
I’ll make your face a colon
With a parantheses. 🙂
Sure I’m a robot,
But please don’t be irked.
I’ll love you like Siri
If she actually worked.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 