Tag Archives: Names

Before Chad And Karen, There Was This Guy

Just because his name is Curtis

Doesn’t mean that he is curt.

Just because her name is Cindy

Doesn’t mean that she’s a sinner.

Just because my name is Dick

Doesn’t mean I feelings hurt.

Now where, my wifey dearest,

Is my mother****ing dinner?

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New England Whalers (I Looked It Up)

Since I’m now in the habit

Of poems that are quick:

Whoever named Sperm Whales

Was really a dick.

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When Gen Z Starts Procreating

If I ever have a baby

With the person I call “Honey,”

I will name it “In the Headlights”

‘Cause when we sing “Happy Birthday” it’ll be funny.

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It’s “Queeva,” Actually…

A young Irish man in his prime

Loved a lassie who gave him a lime.

He said, “Darling Caoimhe,

“I’ll never leave ya.”

And yes, that does actually rhyme.

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Millennial Parenting Takes Another Small Step

If your name were Bedtime

And asked for a bedtime story

People might share anecdotes

Of you in all your glory.

Your children might get all confused

When it’s their rest-your-head time

And you ask them to ask you

“Tell me a story, Bedtime?”

Or say you want a lesson

In a subject like history

And you have to tell somebody

“Tell me, Bedtime, a story.”

One thing no one asks though

Is why Bedtime isn’t sad

When he tells the story of the time

He killed his mom and dad…

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Individuality, But At What Caust?

A black guy names his kid J’Kwon

And no one bats an eye.

In Florida kids are named X-wing

And no one asks them why.

I choose a name like this

For the son I fathered

But when I say “My son, Z’Kyle”

The jews get hot and bothered…

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Math Meets Meth

They said “Name every number.”

I said “Paul.”

They couldn’t refute my argument

And, thus, that was all.

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Millennial Parents Be Like…

The dentist asked three little boys

“Every day do you floss?”

Jeff said “Yes”

And Jeph said “Yes”

And Geoff said “Yeos.”

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Sue Can Empathize

I used to be a beat cop

For the city of LA,

Busting heads and taking names

And shutting crooks away.

I had a code of honor

That would supersede the law…

That was me, the sexy renegade,

The American Eagle’s claw.

But though I stood at six-foot-ten

And had zero body fat,

Had six-pack abs and a .44 mag,

A badge and all of that

I knew my name was whispered

In every darkened alley

And I still could not see why

My parents chose to name me “Sally.”

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😎 and 🦑 are 🥇 right now

We’ve seen names with apostrophes

And names that lack a vowel.

We have seen surnameless names

Like Retta, Link, and Farrel.

We’ve seen whatever Prince’s name

Had been known as previously.

I just hope I get to be the first

To name a kid with an Emoji.

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