If your job includes
Subatomic particles
You may be a nerd.
Tag Archives: Nerds
The Best Days Of My Life
When I was a kid in school
I was never very cool.
I was skinny like an elf
And ate my lunches by myself.
I though cool sticks were precious pearls;
I paid no mind to all the girls.
Looking back, I need to say
Why can’t I have all that today?
Filed under Poems
My First Bachelor Party (True Story)
I ate a lot of sushi
And I drove a lot of miles
And played a lot of board games
And enjoyed a lot of smiles
And now I’m in a Lexus
Writing poems on my phone
And so far I’ve only said one thing
For which I must atone…
Filed under Poems
A Lonely Knight
I showed up to a young singles event
In plate armor head-to-toe,
But the organizers said I looked Middle Aged
And so I had to go.
Filed under Poems
Gary Gygax Is My Promise Ring
Some people use condoms.
Some folks use the pill.
Some people are celibate.
There are other methods still;
My favorite of the methods
To prevent a pregnancy
Is by telling all my dates
That I play D&D.
Filed under Poems
Please Examine This Excel Graph And Identify The Precise Moment I Did Not Get Laid
I met a beauty in the lab
And we talked of time and space
And before the time had finished
We were walking to my place.
Things were getting steamy
And as she turned off the light
I said “This is like water
“Exceeding 212 degrees Fahrenheit!”
Filed under Poems
Reasons I’m Moving To Japan
I wish, when first you met someone
You’d know if you should care
And could see if they’re important
By the weirdness of their hair.
I wish that all decisions
Could be solved in such a way
That a card game or a cook-off
Would decide who rules the day.
I wish that every skill
Could be mastered in an hour
Through a training montage sequence
And above-3,000 power.
But I would trade these wishes
Plus a leg and six months pay
For the girls in real life
To be the girls in anime.
Filed under Poems
Not Based On A True Story At All…
Here I am and in my prime,
No need for fear, no lack of time,
My IQ’s high, my flaws are few,
But there’s one foe I’ve yet to slew.
Somehow I feel my knees go weak
If, to a stranger, I must speak.
I can solve equations in my head
But not control the sense of dread
That spreads from pate to waist to toes
When I must speak to Jane or Rose.
I know Shakespeare, Austen, Keats,
But not wherefore my heart so beats.
Perhaps I’ve read too many tomes
To mix with non-y-chromosomes?
Filed under Poems
The College Nerd
Back when I lived in the dorms,
I was no fan of social norms.
It was there when I finally heard
My conscience say “you are a nerd.”
For in the dorm above my own
One night I heard a lustful moan,
Then another, then yet more
While I was beating my high score.
Although my skill is up to snuff
The type of games I play are tough
So I yelled “Be quiet when you *bleep* her!
“I’m trying to focus on Minesweeper.”
Now you may laugh and call me names
Since I scoff at sex while playing games
But I avoided future strife:
Minesweeper trains men for married life.
Virgin loser? Yep, that’s me!
Enjoy your one-night TNT.
Found In A Jock’s First Aid Manual
Examine the location
Of your injured body part.
Elevate it to a place
That is up above your heart.
Then wait as you remember saying
“Technical writing’s a crappy job.”
Be careful who you tease in high school.
Good luck! Yours truly, Bob.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 