Today, when I was peeing
And pondering my existence,
I realized I hadn’t thought about sex in 24 hours.
What I was suddenly seeing
Was not some great resistance
But the fact that Magic: The Gathering has given me superpowers.
Tag Archives: Nerdy
Norton Hears A Who
My aunt installed some software
From an disreputable source
And it wreaked havoc on her life
(As these things do, of course).
Turns out it gave her pink-eye,
So in case you’re not aware
This is the first case of illness caused
By aunt eye-virus software.
Filed under Poems
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Filed under Poems
People Say “Forever” In Different Ways
If you think your girl is nerdy
But you need to check the facts
Say “I’ll love you as long as a winRAR 30-day trial”
And see how she reacts.
Filed under Poems
Schroedinger Goes Golfing
He went out with a ball and club
To tee off on the green
And defined the ball’s trajectory
To a destination unseen.
To warn the other players
Who are simultaneously alive and dead
He shouted the number 24
To avoid whacking a head.
Why he did this most don’t know
But I can tell you why:
The golfer simply shouted 4!
You’re welcome nerds. Now bye!
Filed under Poems
Three Films For The Dork Lords On Their Basement Thrones (LotR)
We’ve all seen movies
That we adore.
We’ll watch them ten times,
Then ten more!
Sure, you know it
Line for line
But that’s not boring!
That’s just fine!
These films are family,
Allies, friends.
We love their journeys
Despite familiar ends.
To love such things
Need not be wrong,
But alas, my favorites
Are 12 hours long…
Filed under Poems
Totally The Feelings Of Someone Else (Who Isn’t Me) For Margot Robbie That Are Probably Exaggerated And Definitely Not Mine… Probably
Margot, Margot, Margot Robbie:
You make me want to go and see
A film I likely won’t enjoy
‘Cause you are you and I’m a boy.
Margot, Margot, Margot Robbie:
Watching you is my new hobby.
Your hair, when styled in tails of pig
Makes my… heart… grow twice as big.
Margot, Margot, Margot Robbie:
You’re my favorite celebrity since whoever played Dobby.
The only thing more beautiful in my eye
Would be a reboot of Firefly.
Margot, Margot, Margot Robbie:
You’re hotter even than wasabi.
This poem’s a joke written for you.
Yes, I’m a Joker, so love me too!
Margot, Margot, Margot Robbie:
Not being with you makes me sobby
But in the unlikely event you won’t be my vixen…
Shailyn, Shailyn, Shailyn Pierre-Dixon.
Filed under Poems
No New Messages
Hey there gurrls
On the internet.
I’m the sexiest nerd
You have digitally met.
My can read my handle:
TentaclesRMyLyfe.
I don’t mind you’re 16,
You can still be my wife.
You see my profile pic
With my shirt on the floor.
I know my photoshopped abs
Will make you swipe right for sure.
If you like obscure jokes
Come and give me a shout.
I’ve got a ragout rabbit
If your cooking’s maxed out.
Can I go all night?
Well, show you I will!
I can warranty that promise
With a little white pill.
So if you’re game, sexy,
Why not give me a “like?”
We’ll ride to heaven together
On my two-seater bike.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 