I’ve got a great idea
For an online dating site
Wherein critical care patients
Can be Mister or Miss Right.
Those not long for this world
From Tennessee to Guam
Can find a short-term love
At ExpirationDate.com
Tag Archives: Online Dating
Dilemmas Of Modern Romance… Yet Another True Story
As a person young
In age and heart
The search for love is,
In my life, a part.
But amidst all the boasting,
The flirting, the pink
There come candid answers
That force you to think:
Filed under Poems
When You Have The Heart Of A Lion But She Has The Sensibilities Of A Homo Sapien
We met online at 12:00 AM
And bonded over cats.
We bared our souls with smileys
And confirmed the predictions of anonymous stats.
We texted back and forth a bit
Before we met in real life.
You thought I was kinda cute.
I knew you’d be my wife.
But as the days and weeks went by
Our love was less smooth than I was hopin’.
You kept some of the gifts I sent you
But the boxes of dead rodents, you didn’t open!
So now I’m naked, watching Louie
On Amazon TV
Regretting how your heart did not
Know how much that cat-bonding meant to me.
Filed under Poems
Heyyyyyy Ladies
Message if you want to,
But I’ll save you some time:
I love ’90’s country music
And I don’t want a partner in crime.
If you don’t use “whom correctly”
Or distinguish “your” and “you’re”
Stay friendly with your loneliness
For I won’t be your cure.
I’m a diehard Libertarian
And I earn a poet’s wage.
I’m more honest than you’d like
And look nothing like Nick Cage.
If you’ve endured this poem
Without committing seppuku
Then here is what I will repeat:
Message if you want to.
Filed under Poems
eHarmony
Where have the real men gone, you ask,
And where have the damsels fled?
I hope the internet can tell me.
Meanwhile, I’ve got my bed.
Filed under Poems
No New Messages
Hey there gurrls
On the internet.
I’m the sexiest nerd
You have digitally met.
My can read my handle:
TentaclesRMyLyfe.
I don’t mind you’re 16,
You can still be my wife.
You see my profile pic
With my shirt on the floor.
I know my photoshopped abs
Will make you swipe right for sure.
If you like obscure jokes
Come and give me a shout.
I’ve got a ragout rabbit
If your cooking’s maxed out.
Can I go all night?
Well, show you I will!
I can warranty that promise
With a little white pill.
So if you’re game, sexy,
Why not give me a “like?”
We’ll ride to heaven together
On my two-seater bike.
Filed under Poems
Word Choice
I always thought I was the type of pig
Who built his house of bricks,
But on my online dating profile
I referred to women as “chicks.”
I don’t know how I’ll find true love,
After dropping such a bomb.
I guess the fire that burned my bridge
Started with a match.com
are u the 1 4 me?!!!!!!!
I now u. U now me.
The guy hoo txts illiterately.
I liv evryware, C 2 C.
I mite hav a colledge dugree.
U mite think im sociutys dregs
Cuz u found me on that list of craigs,
But u havent had a date since 2003,
So ill get to now u, and u’ll now me.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 