While in the misty sunrise
The cooing birds
Smile like butterflies
So I made weak
By trickling hearts
Dot my i’s
With scarlet
Just kidding
I dot them in green
Tag Archives: Parody
How I Read Political Posts
Today elected people
Did a thing I think is bad
And I want all my contacts
To be upset that I am sad.
I want my friends and followers
To hear my text-based whine.
If you’re not sympathetic
Then an argument’s also fine.
Corporations Are Evil (Because I Want Them To Be)
“Corporations are evil”
I think as I buy my Special K
And hop in my Toyota
And drive to the YMCA.
“Corporations are evil”
Is what’s running through my head
While I surf Youtube on my iPad
From my new Sleep Number bed.
“Corporations are evil”
Helps me eat my Eggland’s Best,
Helps me get ready for work at Megatech
As in Prada I get dressed.
“Corporations are evil”
Is a truth you can’t deny
Because my friends say it on Facebook
Which means that so should I.
“Corporations are evil.”
Was that all I have to say? Check!
It helps me feel virtuous
As Wells-Fargo cashes my paycheck.
Filed under Poems
My Anti-Drug Treatise?
Great Scott would eat no pot.
His wife was also clean.
Their afternoons were generally normal
And they did not live in Colorado.
Filed under Poems
Watching Samuel Beckett
Humumumumumumumumumu
Dragons…
Humumumumumumumumumu
Broccoli…
Humumumumumumumumumu
Yes, you really did pay money for this…
Humumumumumumumumumu
Humumumumumumumumumu
Applause…?
Midnight Foot Warmer
Soft doggy, warm doggy,
You I do implore:
Happy doggy, sleepy doggy,
Please don’t poop at midnight right outside my bedroom door.
Again.
Filed under Poems
To All The PhDs Enjoying a Sporting Event Today (Or On A Given Future Day, Circumstances Permitting)
I realize this day is special
For a contest will take place
In which genetically superior constituents
Will seek, in scoring, to outpace
Their counterparts in opposition
Within a time allotted,
Thus justifying the fiduciary endowments
With which said constituents are besotted.
I hope that in future contests
Of similar athletic variety
That your subgroup of physically-fit object-movers
May prove worthy of your them-focused piety.
In fact, I would extend my well wishes
That your team may excel in perpetuity
Until their superior members inevitably decay
And we may correct our lost-time incongruity.
Filed under Poems
The Gingerbread’s Regrets
I told them to run, run, run.
In fact, I mercilessly taunted.
Alas the final result
Was nothing like what I wanted.
I did not fully consider
When all was said and done
The degree of just how slowly
We cookie-men can run.
Filed under Poems
See Spot Run
See spot run.
Spot runs fast
Because if Spot
Comes in last
Spot will lose
His family’s approval
Which will lead, in relation
To his house, his removal.
Spot enjoys
Not living on the street
So Spot runs fast.
Of foot, he is fleet.
Spot comes in second
Which Jane thinks is slick.
Alas, Spot’s owner
Is a Dick.
Filed under Poems
USA, November 2016
Roses are reds,
Violets are blue,
These are both valid points, and I’ll address them in a moment, but first…
But does anyone stop to comfort the violets in their sorrow? Even once?
No!
You know, depression is a chemical imbalance and has many dangerous side effects. But when it becomes a part of ones identity, as it has for the violets, it transcends its mortal debilitation and becomes a blight on the very soul.
When I’m elected, I’m going to make violets purple again! And not by adding rose colored glasses, no. Not by that. Who needs all the thorns roses bring anyway? No, I dream of a garden where honest, hardworking violets can grow bigly without the radical redness of roses!
In other words, f*** you roses.
Let’s Get Pruning ™
This poem brought to you by Goldman Sachs.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 