Tag Archives: Parody

April 4, 2016 · 8:09 pm

“An Updated Classic” Or “Backstory”

It was one of those days

When you want apple pie

But the waitress is cute

And you’re just too shy.

It’s one of those days

To spend at the riverbank

But when you drive there, the water’s

All stuck in a tank.

You want to hang out

With men who are classy

But good guys are drunk, so you settle

For guys who’re half-assy.

And you and your half-assy

Friends you’ll soon see

Just sit around singing

About mortality.

Oh my my,

I missed the American pie.

Drove my chevy to the levy

But the levy was dry,

And the good old boys

Were drinking whiskey and rye.

Yeah, I guess this’ll be

The day that I die.

1 Comment

Filed under Lyrics, Poems, Songs

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

February 11, 2016 · 7:25 pm

Four Percent of Poetry Readers Will Understand This Poem – Stanza Six Will Shock You!

Hey honey bunny,

Maybe you can help me?

I’m trying to think of a rhyme.

I need a word that means “nectar”

That rhymes with “rabbit.”

I’ve thought about it for a long time…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , ,

December 21, 2015 · 7:37 pm

Winter is Coming

Oh you’d better watch out.

You probably will die.

You slept with your sister,

Not gonna lie.

Game of Thrones is coming to town.

You’ve finished the season

And now you must wait.

Don’t lose your head…

Oops, too late.

Game of Thrones is coming to town.

The characters are creepy.

The show keeps you awake.

They’ll kill off eveyone you like,

So like Joffrey for all our sakes.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems, Songs

Tagged as , , , , ,

December 6, 2015 · 5:52 pm

NFL Commentary

How do you like those Animals?

They’ve got grit and size and speed.

Getting the ball from the QB’s hands

To the receiver’s what they need.

They’ve got guys who make a difference,

They’re just as strong as they seem,

And I think they’ll be successful

If they score more than the other team.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

October 15, 2015 · 1:59 pm

The Cat In The Lap

‘Twas a quiet day in the house

And a good day to be a mouse

For as the sly poet tried to come up with crap

The cat on the floor flew onto his lap.

“Hello there kitty,” the poet did shout

As the cat proceeded to let its hair all fall out.

The poet spoke more and stroked it’s blonde fur,

And the cat licked itself and mumbled a purr.

Then the poet’s appointment, confirmed as it was,

Took precedence over the self-licking fuzz. 

And so he departed, and the cat in the lap

Lay down in his sheddings for his apathy nap.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

September 29, 2015 · 5:22 pm

The Little Intestine Who Could

There was too much water,

At least a gallon or two.

Little intestine was struggling

To make some pee for you.

The intestine thought “I think I can.”

As it turned out, he could.

If you didn’t like this poem

Small intestine says “you should.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , ,

August 19, 2015 · 4:59 pm

Senior Citizens Visit the Farm

So many Depends

On a red wheelbarrow,

Speckled with what we hope is rainwater

Beside the white chickens.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , ,

April 17, 2015 · 2:09 pm

Welcome to the Tundra

(A Parody of “Welcome to the Jungle” by Guns N’ Roses)

Welcome to the Tundra.

We’ve got fun and games.

We’ve all got PhD’s, Honey

And we’re all named Frank or James.

One hour on Skype’s all the social

Intercourse we need.

If you’ve got a scientific grant,

We’ve got your deep freeze.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra.

Watch it bring you to your knees.

I want to watch you renew our funding please.

Welcome to the tundra.

We take it day by day.

If you want it, you’ll wear lots of fur,

And get industry-competitive pay.

And if you’re a very sexy girl

Let likes to talk and chat

You better get your cell phone out

‘Cause us guys don’t dig all that.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra

Feel my, my, my polar bear.

Ooh, you’d better grow your hair.

Welcome to the tundra

Where we’ve got two-hour days.

You learn to live like an animal

In our permafrost-sampling ways.

If your hungry, here’s an MRE.

You’ll get used to them eventually.

You can have anything you want

Unless it’s fresh, flavorful, or hot.

And if you’re high, you’re actually

At the same elevation as everyone else.

You know where you are;

You’re in the tundra baby.

Your skin’ll get dry in the tundra.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra

Studying stratification.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra

Writing your dissertation.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra

Extrapolating from incomplete information.

In the tundra, welcome to the tundra.

It’ll bring you to your

Required credits of applied study. Ha!

1 Comment

Filed under Lyrics, Songs

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

April 8, 2015 · 7:22 am

The Hunger Games

I did an activity in a setting

That evokes a novel mood,

Then you you see my way of life

And my love interest dude.

Then it’s all turned upside down

In this young adult dystopia,

And I have to kill some children

Packed inside a cornucopia.

Eventually I win the games,

Then I go back my fam.

Then I go on a victory tour

In a super-high-tech tram.

I see some starving people

And they kiss their fingers at me.

I say some stupid, honest stuff

And hope they’ll let me be.

Alas, I’m wrong, and the mean white guy

Puts me back in the game.

I bust out with an arrow.

A shoddy forcefield’s to blame.

I find myself deep underground

Amidst a rebel plot,

And I get to dress up like a bird

And get the rebels hot.

We fight a war and sort of win

(‘Cause lots of people die).

Then I marry love interest

And bid you all good bye. 

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , ,

March 27, 2015 · 8:28 am

Heck’s Angels

Have you heard the low thrum

Of a dozen mopeds

Cresting the rise of a hill?

The carry an air

Of environmental concern,

And always pay their bill.

The drink microbrews,

Read the Huffington post,

And ride to protest warming weather.

They want to be safe,

But they won’t kill a cow,

So instead they’re decked out in fruit leather.

They’ve occupied Wall Street

And conquered small towns.

They adopted Obamacare early.

They wear handmade bling

And fair trade hemp socks

And, only on Facebook, act surly.

And then with a puff

Of carbon-free smoke

They pedal away once again.

They’re Al Gore’s private army,

The Heck’s Angels gang,

Inclusive of GBT men.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , ,