Tag Archives: Vocabulary

Why You Shouldn’t Be An English Major

Bucolic was the morning mist

On fields outside of Boise.

The adults sipped their hot caffein

And the children weren’t noisy.

Within one comely bungalow

A dalliance effloresced.

You probably don’t know what that means

And perhaps it’s for the best.

I bring up this erstwhile dalliance

Between man and ingénou

With intentional insouciance

To show I’m smarter than you.

The denouement of this poem,

Evanescent as it is,

Shows evidence of the inurement

I’ve derived from colleges.

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There’s A Guy Who Gets His Ass Kicked In A Dark Alley

Sometimes I lie away at night

Wondering which fancy jackass

Invented the word “pretentious.”

If our positions should coincide

In an unlit walkway between buildings

I’d like to thrust a limb pertaining to my lower body

To the rear-side of the juncture connecting his counterparts of the aforementioned lower-body elements

Purely for hedonic gratification.

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Oops! I meant “Perfunctory.” Wait, No…

“Pusillanimous”

Was how I described my date.

I did not get laid.

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People Who Don’t Know What “Masticating” Means Are Going To Think This Poem Is Weirder Than It Actually Is

My hands are very cold

As I stand outside at night

Typing in this crummy poem

Because I just have too, all right?

Earlier I was occupied

With eating what I was masticating

But as I suffer in the moment

I regret procrastinating.

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To All The PhDs Enjoying a Sporting Event Today (Or On A Given Future Day, Circumstances Permitting)

I realize this day is special

For a contest will take place

In which genetically superior constituents

Will seek, in scoring, to outpace

Their counterparts in opposition

Within a time allotted,

Thus justifying the fiduciary endowments

With which said constituents are besotted.

I hope that in future contests

Of similar athletic variety

That your subgroup of physically-fit object-movers

May prove worthy of your them-focused piety.

In fact, I would extend my well wishes

That your team may excel in perpetuity

Until their superior members inevitably decay

And we may correct our lost-time incongruity.

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